ANS jokes
What's the difference between an abortion clinic and a computer? Ctrl+Alt+Delete.
If an apple and an emo kid fell out of a tree, which would hit the ground first?
The apple, because the rope caught the emo kid.
Two kids were beating up a ginger kid in an ally, so I stepped into help. He didn’t stand a chance against the three of us.
A heavily pregnant woman is in an accident and gives birth to twins while comatose. Upon awakening some days later, the doctors tell her that her brother Tom filled out the birth certificates while she was out.
"Oh no, Tom's an idiot, what did he name my daughter?" she asked the nurse.
"Denise."
"That's not a bad name. And what did he name the boy?"
"Tom Junior."
Kid finds genie lamp, wishes to be Batman.
Genie: You're now an orphan.
My ex died in an anchorage accident.
She always was a sleeping hooker.
What do you call an entitled woman? A Karen.
So, an Irish man is walking his poodle, and his buddy comes running up to him saying there’s a new pub in town and they’re giving out free pints.
So the man picks up his dog and runs like hell to the bar. But the bar owner stops him and says, "Sorry, you can’t go in." The Irish man says, "Why can’t I go in?" "Well, you have a dog, sir, and that sign over there says no dogs allowed. You’re going to have to leave him outside." Well, the Irish man thinks quick and says, "I’m blind; it’s a seeing eye dog." The owner says, "That’s ridiculous. A seeing eye dog would be a German shepherd or golden Labrador or something like that." The Irish man says, "Well, what kind of dog did they give me??"😂
Billy and Bobby were walking to school one day. Billy pulled out an mp3 player.
"What's that?" Bobby inquired.
"Oh, just something to zone out the other kids," Billy responded.
The next day, Billy and Bobby were walking to school. Billy rummaged through his backpack and pulled out an mp4 player this time.
"Woah! What's that?" Bobby inquired.
"Oh, just a lil something to shut out the annoying kids at school," Billy responded.
The next day, Bobby noticed Billy's backpack was particularly heavy looking. Billy rummaged through his backpack just outside the school and pulled out an mp5 rifle.
"Holy shit, dude! What the fuck is that for?" Bobby gasped.
"Nice huh? This'll shut those fuckers up for good!" Billy replied.
Once I said to an orphan, "What the 'F' means in 'orphan'?"
He replied, "There's no 'F'."
Me: "There's no family."
Why did Peter Parker take Gwen Stacy to an orthopedist?
Because her neck was killing her.
What is an orphan's least favorite movie?
"Daddy's Home."
One day I walk up to an emo kid. I realized he had a fresh cut, so I grab my hand and slap his wrist and told him, "I like ya cut, G!"
Hey, I’m not an alcoholic! I only drink 2 times a year. When it’s my Birthday, and when it’s not...
I saw this little girl crying. I asked her where her parents were. She cried more, man, I love working at an orphanage.
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
One gets picked.... (not the orphan)
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun? Special Forces.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
Because it can't find home!
What's a plus side to being an orphan?
Every bag of chips is family size. T - T
Yo mama so fat!
She sunk the Titanic. She put on a blue coat and they thought she was an iceberg!