ANS jokes
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
I got arrested because I cremated a guy. They said the guy had been alive when I burned him. I mean, it's an early cremation—what's the difference?
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
Apples get picked.
What do a pulse and an orgasm have in common?
I don’t care if she has one.
What's the difference between a bad joke and an actually bad joke?
An actually bad joke is not funny, like this one!
What do you call an autistic person with a driver's license?
A LETHAL WEAPON!
Which type of nut goes to outer space?
An astro-nut.
Are you an orphanage?
Why?
Because I wanna put my kids in you.
Why did the Asian parents have an Asian baby?
Two wongs don't make a white.
If a computer was an apartment, the only passage would be the windows.
It would have had doors, but why was it ever spelt DOS?
The top worst thing for an orphan, and probably the most awkward one, is when they're having sex and the other person is calling them "mommy" or "daddy."
"Among Us" is a game (Skeld) where there is an imposter trying to hijack the ship and kill everyone. Does this sound similar to September 11, 2001?
Why can't an orphan hit a home run?
They have no home to run to.
If an orphan was Spiderman, which movie would he be in?
"No Way Home."
What was the ONLY difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apples got picked.
What's brown and sticky?
An orphan.
Why couldn't an orphan have an iPhone 6? He couldn't find the home button.
We thought that my mother died in the best way possible, during her sleep.
But when we did an autopsy on her, we saw she actually died in the worst way possible. During the autopsy.
Why can't an orphan be in a Scream movie?
It's always someone you know.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite event? Their birthday!