ANS jokes
What is the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?
You can't hear an enzyme.
I had a disability where I kept pronouncing my "g" as an "r", so one day, I said I liked grapes. Of course, I pronounced it "I like rapes." I was kicked out of preschool.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
Tell him to clap until his parents come home.
Are you an abstract manifestation of my childhood traumas and recent memories combined? 'Cause damn, you look like you came out of a dream!
What does an emo kid and pizza have in common?...... The pizza doesn’t cut itself.
Why did an orphan have s**? To have someone to call daddy.
What's braver than coming out gay? Taking a shit in an elementary school bathroom with those two kids that always mess with you and turn off the lights.
What does an iPhone have that orphans do not?
Home buttons.
FaceBook Story: My mom loves FaceBook; she literally posts every day, but this day was sort of a hard hit.
So what happened was my mom got tired of her old name on Facebook, so she changed it to Thatmilf85, and I don't want to explain what milf means, but she got a lot of DM's from a lot of old guys. BUT, this one exact guy named Johnny Sins asked my mom if she wanted to do an adult film. I don't know what that is. I think it's an adult movie, of course, so she says yes and flies out to San Diego, and she never came back after yesterday, and to YOU Johnny Sins, my mom better be Ok and that adult film better be an adult movie and not a por...
An orphan goes to a family restaurant with her doll.
"I'm sorry but you can't be here," said the man. "This is a family restaurant." The orphan said, "This is my family," then pointed to her doll.
An orphan's family photo: empty.
When an orphan takes a selfie, it's a family photo.
Tell world's best yo mama joke to an orphan, then watch them cry.
Why is Stephen Hawking an organ donor?
Because he saved 200 computers!
What's an orphan's favorite toy?
A boomerang, because it always comes back.
Why can an orphan play baseball?
They don't know where home is.
How do you make a body disappear?
You use an axe, black plastic bags, a forest, a shovel, and some ice cream because killing someone and chopping them up and digging holes in the ground and putting dirt over them is a lot of hard work!
P.S., I'm joking and don't condone these actions.
A leaf and an emo kid fall from a tree, who made it to the floor first?
The leaf. The emo kid was caught on a rope.
A leaf and an emo are both falling from a tree.
Which one hits the ground first?
The leaf, the emo got caught by a rope.
They never told us Humpty was an egg. A man died then!