ANS jokes
What's the difference between a mole and an eagle?
They both live underground, except for the eagle.
How do you get an orphan's hands to bleed?
Tell him to clap until his parents come home!
Taking an emo kid grocery shopping does have its perks... You get to scan their wrists for discounts!
What does an Irish bowler put in his hands to guarantee a wicket next ball?
A bat.
What's the difference between a dead baby and an orange?
I don't keep a trash bag full of oranges in my basement.
Go up to an orphan and say: "Yer ma is deed."
If there's ever a shooting at school, pull out an Uno reverse card.
What's the difference between an orphan's dad and a boomerang?
The boomerang comes back.
What’s the difference in an apple and an orphan?
One actually gets picked.
Why can’t an orphan play online games?
They don’t have their parents' input.
So I had a friend who was an orphan, and he said, "How's your girlfriend?" I said, "I don't have one." He said, "I know, just reminding you." I then said, "Hey, how's your parents?" I never saw him after that.
What's the difference between an asshole and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
Your forehead is so fucking big, I had to call an Uber to get across the eyebrows to your hairline.
I know it's bad, sorry.
Your forehead [is] so big that if I drew an H on it, Kobe could have landed there.
One afternoon, a man was walking to a bar after work. Across the street, an Irish nun stood there waving her arms at the man. "Look at this poor drunkard! The Lord does not love him! He will be sent to Hell!" the nun shouted.
The man walked over to the nun. "Hey! I had a hard day at work! I was going to get ONE beer! Have you ever even tried a drink before?" the man asked. The nun looked down and shook her head. "Well, if you tried it, you would probably like it! Would you want to try something?" the man asked. The nun replied, "Okay, only one thing."
"What would you like?" asked the man. He offered her beer and whiskey, but she declined. "How about a little gin?" the man concluded. "Okay, sure. But, can you ask them to put it in a mug so people don't see what I'm drinking?" asked the nun.
"Fine," the man walks into the bar and waves to the bartender. "Hey, can I have a bottle of beer and a bit of gin? Also, can that be in a mug?" asked the man. The bartender looked up, with fury in his eyes. "Don't tell me that damn nun is out there again!" the bartender said.
Ask an orphan this: "What's the difference between cancer and your dad? Cancer comes back!"
"PENIS WAIT WHAT OENIS SUCK MINE DADDY?" Sorry, you are an orphan.
What's the difference between an orphan and a watermelon?
One is fun to hit with a sledgehammer; the other one is just an orphan.
What type of cookie has an orphan never had? Homemade cookies.
April Fool's Day: Go tell an orphan their parents are back.
Orphan: Where... Oh.