And jokes
Police: Hey man, look at this! *throws cocaine at fan and it flew back into his face* Me: Are you okay? Police: Looks like I "crack"ed the case.
God promised John that if he came in 1st, he would get an eternal life, but instead he came in 5th and got a kettle!
How do you communicate to the dead?
Jump up and down on the ground and speak in Morse code!
What is the difference between an egg and you? An egg gets laid, and you don't.
I see all these 9/11 jokes, and I’m disgusted. I personally won’t make a 9/11 joke because they have a tendency to crash and burn.
Memes
Squirrel: I got a joke.
Dog: What the hell is it?
Squirrel: I clicked my nuts and clicked my poop.
What's the difference between you and the internet? People want a connection from the internet.
The coach yelled at me when I stole home. I ran home with the base and asked him where to put it.
My friend asked for something dark and creamy. I said..... "GU KHA".
Love is in the air...
Wrong! Nitrogen, Oxygen, and Carbon Dioxide are in the air!
What's the difference between fathers and hurricanes?
Nothing. They both destroy families and then leave for a couple of years.
The bright side of this pandemic is now both my hands look equally chapped and raw.
What's the difference between sleeping pills and my beating my meat?
Sleeping pills actually come with a prescription.
Why does Megan sound like a man, but she is a good singer and rapper, but then people talk about her? What's y'all rapper are singer?
Q: What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign?
A: The drunk guy runs it, and the stoner waits for it to turn green!
There is a difference between my brother and Stephen Hawking; at least one of them does something.
What's black, long and full of seamen?
A submarine.
My brother has a fucking ass and I wake up to him twerking.
What's the difference between 20 and 14?
9 to 10 years.
I don't usually like to tell 9/11 jokes for two reasons: they're morally wrong, and they tend to crash and burn.