And jokes

Yo mamma so poor that when we went on a date, she took off her shoe laces and said "spaghetti."

Your dad left you 10 years ago and you're 10 years old, so your dad anniversary is today.

But you could get plastic surgery and look 20 years younger. With that, no one will suspect you!

Orphan: "I get all the A pluses and y'all bad!"

And then I told him: "If you feel so special, try telling your parents. You can't, can you?"

At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, “That’s the fourth time you’ve gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn’t it embarrass you?”

“Why should it?” answered her spouse. “I keep telling them it’s for you.”

What animal howls at the moon and eats cement?

If you guessed wolf, you're right! I threw in the cement to make it hard.

Your loved one dies and you call the Coroner's office. They answer, "Hello, this is Benny from the Coroner's office, you stab 'em, we slab 'em, how may I be of service?"

What do you call someone who has sex with foals, calves, and lambs? A Quadrupedophile.

Mommy, mommy! Are we bank robbers?

Shut up and pass me the note.

"Mommy, mommy! Are we janitors?"

"Shut up and pass me the mop."

Mommy, mommy! Do we own a sweatshop?

Shut up and keep sewing!

When the teacher says she'll call your parents but you're an orphan.

Mommy, mommy! Are we liars?

"Shut up and cross your fingers when you say that."

There were ten in the bed and the little one said... "Roll over..."

What do girl emos and boy emos have in common?

1. They both want to die.

2. They both cut to die faster.

3. They both listen to emo songs.

4. They like "I wanna die" song/"Miss wanna die."

So your wife has died, and now she is marginally better in bed than before.

If you really want to get her to wiggle, simply add maggots.

Why do orphans like Spider-Man?

'Cause they really enjoy Far From Home and No Way Home. Damn, was he mad about Spider-Man Homecoming!

What's the difference between me and an orphan's parents?

I actually come back with the milk.

I thought you were just raising your eyebrow, but I checked the x-ray, and your skull shifted 128 degrees to the right.

Off-topic, but why is the picture in the baby category feet? And nasty feet at that? What am I, Dan Schneider?