And jokes

What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?

The apple gets picked.

What’s one thing a man can do that a woman can’t?

Sit down and shut up.

A man wakes up and asks his wife, “Are you okay? You were cursing me all night in your sleep.” The wife replies, “Who says I was sleeping?”

A guy gets home from work to see his girlfriend packing, and he asks her why she is packing. The girl says, "Because I found out you're a pedophile." The guy goes, "A pedophile?" And she says, "Yes." The guy goes, "That's a big word for a 12-year-old."

What’s the difference between toilet paper and a curtain?

So, it was you....

What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?

Dr. Dre.

What’s the difference between a crossdresser and a trans person?

About 3 years.

What's brown and sticky?

What did you think! A stick......

Roses are red, I failed my test, All because of Hugh and his incest.

I was going to make a 9/11 joke, but I'm afraid it will crash and burn.

My friend dreamed of being a porno star.

He did it for 3 months and decided it was not for him.

The next job he got was pumping petrol. Halfway through filling up, he pulled the hose out and started spraying all over the car!

When the emo kid looks at you and says, "Fuck you," run!

What happens when you cross a pig and karate?

A pork chop!

When you have a box of dead babies in your garage and one of them is alive at the bottom and has to eat its way out but goes back for seconds.

I walked up to 2 people kissing and stared.

After a little while, they asked me if I minded. I said no, I don’t mind.

I just went to India and thought, "Why do they have so many sniper hitmen?" It turns out the red dot isn't a sniper laser.

What do you call a gay retard? Fruit and vegetable soup.

Want to know something? Jason and Michael Myers had to watch their family while they have to live forever. That's why they kill; they're trying to make people experience what they did.

I told my sister to make a noise and hear what she said... "Cuckoo coo chew." #Owl🦉

"That driving backwards, it creeping me out, you're gonna wreck or something." - Lightning McQueen.

Because that is what could have saved Titanic, and it wrecked.