And jokes

Your mum is so cute that I asked for her number and she said yes, and now we're dating.

Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered, "Y?"

I'm great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

What's black and found on top of the stairs?

Stephen Hawking during a house fire.

I’m tall when I’m young, and I’m short when I’m old. What am I?

There's a one-story house. Everything's yellow, even the kitchen, living room, and bedrooms. What color are the stairs?

Your mama is so stupid. She fell off a bike and didn't know which way to fall!

Orphans and Chinese people can’t play baseball. The orphans can’t find home, and the Chinese kid will eat the bat.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, You look like Shrek, And you make me peck.

Pussies and tits have one thing in common: they're both made for kids, but men end up licking or suckling them.

Guy: Hey, Siri, I failed my final exams, can you cheer me up?

Siri: What’s the difference between you and your grandma? Your grandma passed!

So, Dad is teaching his 8-year-old son about the planets and said, "This is Uranus." Then the 5-year-old son says, "Where is my anus?"

Yo momma so fat, when she said, "Order in the court," she really meant burgers and fries.

McDonald's called back and they said they want their logo back.

You're so ugly that when you were born, the doctor threw you out the window, and the window threw you back.

Yo momma so stupid, when someone got cardiac arrest, she tried to put the person to court, and when the judge said "ORDER AT THE COURT," she thought it's a food court and ordered 20 Big Macs and got a heart attack.

Pretend you are an old man who is 77 years old and there are 7 doors, which door should you pick?

The seventh door.

Mummy, how was I born?

Mummy replied, "Well, your father and I got married, and soon I became fat and you came out, and then in, out, in, out, and after you did that a million times, you were born."

My love for you is like poop.

Whenever I feel you, I have to run to the toilet and flush you away.

What do Hitler's gas "shower" and guns have in common? They both kill someone.