And jokes

"Harry Hicks smells of home. Homo is an infection, and infections are made up of atoms."

A Texan and an Alaskan walk in a room. The Alaskan says, "My state is bigger than yours." The Texan says, "It won't be when it melts!"

What's the difference between boogers and broccoli?

Kids won't eat the broccoli.

I work at a bank and an old woman asked me to check her balance.

So I pushed her over.

What’s the difference between your mum and your nan?

Your nan's a GILF!

What is the difference between you and my dad?

Nothing.

What’s the difference between a girlfriend and a train? The train will touch me.

What's the difference between 5 cocks and a joke? I can't take a joke.

I told my dad to get me a packet of cigarettes, he never came back.

AND I still didn't get my FUCKING CIGARETTES!

What's the difference between a baby and a pizza?

One does not crow when you put it in an oven.

I had the BEST day EVER.

1: I woke up.

2: I met someone I'm sad about.

3: I had fun and got them back again online.

But sadly the order was 2nd, 3rd, 1st... XD

What’s the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant lady?

Answer: You can unscrew a lightbulb, but you can’t unscrew a lady.

When your mom comes in at night then sees your... sleeping, but sees something moving, so she gets a chair and whacks it, then she says, "I thought it was a mouse."

Hi, how are you? Busy doing right? I just texted. Me and my dad were just texting.

What's the difference between a chicken and me? None, they both don't watch right and left before crossing the road.

Your dick is like a shotgun, one cock and you're ready to fire.

A boy walks into some woods with a phone, and his friend comes by and asks, "What are you doing?"

He pauses, then says, "Trying some bird calls!"

What do inner city schools and databases have in common?

Their problems are usually caused by a race condition.

What’s white and crunchy and swings through trees?

A meringue-atang.

Hey, math:

I’m really tired of trying to find your X. Accept that she’s gone, and solve your own problems, dude!