And jokes

What does a "Smart Russian" and a "Unicorn" have in common?

Answer: Non-existence!

I felt bad for a dog, and I looked to my left, and there was an orphan, and I said I will make you a website, and I said there won't be a homepage.

How many emos does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, because they just sit and cry in the dark.

The kid's dad was a magician because he disappeared and never came back.

Bully: Shut up, motherfucker!

Me: Well, stop talking to me and I won't have to keep fucking your mother.

There was a fish looking for a great meal. He looks above him and sees a fly. He thought, "If that fly drops six inches, I would have a meal." Long story short, a pussy gets wet.

I hate it when I go to the shop and people are like, "Oh, hey what are you doing here?"

Me: "Oh, you know, just hunting elephants."

I gave Helen Keller an Oculus and AirPods for her 12th birthday, and she hated them and me.

What do you call someone without a body and a nose? Nobody knows.

What’s the difference between a pig and Maddie McCann?

Least a pig had an apple in its mouth when it was spit roasted.

Yo mama is so retarded, they tell her it was gonna be chilly outside, she went and got a bowl!

What do you call an Asian, a blind man, and a very bad driver?

What's the difference between an abortion and a baby girl in China? Nothing, they both die.

They say if Viagra lasts more than four hours, call the doctor? I’m just wondering, it’s been six hours and I’m still hard, should I call the doctor or hop on another woman?

What do pears and emo kids have in common?

They both be hanging.

What do children with cancer and Russian soldiers have in common? Their life doesn't last long.

What do dogs and planks have in common? They both have to be walked.

Orphans have 362 days in a year because they don’t have a Mother’s or Father’s Day and no birthday.

Picture of yo mama last Christmas and the damn thing’s still printing.

What is the difference between a feminist and a knife?

A knife at least has a point.