And jokes

My girlfriend is incredibly sad since her cat has disappeared.

I am quite sure now that I misunderstood something when she asked me to eat her pussy--and I am beginning to think that I did not get the "fuck her doggy" part either.

What's the difference between a dog and a foster child?

A dog doesn't run to the police after you beat it.

"Pootin is a pussy won't even fight in the war that he started!"

"Pootin is a pussy and Ukraine is beating Russia's ass!"

Who was the meanest man in the world?

He raped Helen Keller and threw her down a well, but not before cutting off her fingers so she couldn't yell for help.

I don't wanna brag, but I finished a puzzle in under a week, and it said 2-4 years on the box.

What's the difference between MJ and myself?

Nothing at all.

What is the difference between white people and Africans? The white people watch "The Hunger Games," the Africans live it.

The top worst thing for an orphan, and probably the most awkward one, is when they're having sex and the other person is calling them "mommy" or "daddy."

"Let it go, LET IT GO!" Blah blah blah whatever the rest of the song says dun dun blah blah blah my mom never bothered me anyway.

I'm bored 😴 so that's why I sang in my wonderful voice for a few seconds and wasted your time.

An orphan and a homeless man get into a fight, so he yells in a mirror.

Q: Why do orphans hate Fast and Furious movies?

A: Because they say "family" too often.

Dark humor leave if sensitive: Wives are like grenades: pull the ring, and the house is gone.

As a lifelong farmer, I was excited that Ligue 1 was moving up the UEFA ranking toward an Industrial Revolution and I can finally leave the farm. Alas, Pessi joined and we went down a rank because he is so finished. Shame on you Pessi, now I have to go back to shoveling cow shit.

What has two wings and an arrow?

A Chinese telephone: "Wing wing arrow."

You're so poor, when a robber robs your house, they feel bad for you and just leave.

What is the difference between orphans and apples?

Apples get picked.

Why don't a gun and an orphan have anything in common? The gun is actually useful.

What's the difference between Obama and Trump?

Obama was a president and Trump was a whiny bitch!

Q: What’s the difference between an orphan and a baseball field?

A: A baseball field has a home base.

I'm ashamed to admit feeling proud of the rape joke I posted and what went on between me and your mum.