And jokes

Hi everyone, my mom got me an iPad today, and this is really cool. Can someone tell me what decapitation is?

If you're pan, all you have to do is get a sibling and make them get your parents to the outside of the pantry, and you burst out and then say you're pansexual!

It’s been a terrible day today. My ex got hit by a bus and died.

Not only this, but the council cut my bus driver's permit!

My sis said only garlic and onions can make you cry.

So I threw an orange at her.

Two girls are at a play and are about to go on the stage.

Ally before the other girl goes on stage: Break a leg!

Rachel: Alright!

On stage, Rachel trips over a stand and breaks her leg.

Rachel calling backstage: I broke my leg!

If you're sleeping, and you fall in your dream, you may have died, and the angels dropped you.

Or you don't wake up, and you were on your way to hell.

A cop pulls two Arabian men over, walks up to their window, and says, "We are looking for two child molesters!"

Now after a short pause, the two men look at each other, then back at the officer and say, "We'll do it!"

Your hairline is running away faster than when your dad went to get milk, and that’s saying something.

How do you ground a Gen Z?

Make them go outside and socialize.

What's the difference between a gay man and a freezer?

A freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.

What's the difference between a seal and a special kid?

They both go: "Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh!"

"If you can make them laugh and giggle, you can make their booty shake and jiggle."

What did they find in Paul Walker's glovebox?

His head and shoulders.

What's common between a feminist and a knife?

They both stay in the kitchen.

What starts with F and ends with uck? Firetruck, what were you thinking?

Guy: Do you know how to draw woman's rights?

Girl: No, how?

Guy: All you need is a blank paper and reality.

What’s long, green, and smells like bacon?

Kermit the frog’s fingers.

I went to kill Biden with poison water and mixed it with my finger, and then licked it. I passed out, and now I'm here.

I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence."

Some moving men had just begun their day's work.

The first thing they brought into the house was a huge couch.

The owner came in and asked how everything was going. They replied, "Sofa so good."