And jokes

Some guy was mad at his ex-wife! So he threw a bottle of alcohol into her house when he was drunk.

And realized when he was being questioned for arson, his cigarette was in the rim of the bottle.

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

"Jack and Jill run up the hill to have sex but in a text a sibling sayed I’m on a hill sleeping with a mex. foursome peace love and biches."

There were people having sex when it started sinking. Legend tells when you go near the ship you can see semen, and if you listen close enough you'll hear them moaning.

Now that's a hell of a ghost story!

What's thick, long, hard, and has cum in it?

Cucumber. Lol. I love the way you think.

What's white as snow within 15-25 mins after death and then black and blue and red all over?

A corpse, of course!

The next time you get a sack call, pick up the phone and say, "Welcome to Pete's pizzeria and abortion clinic. Your loss is next week's sauce. How may we help you?"

What is the oldest animal in the world?

A zebra—it is black and white.

What's the difference between acne and a priest?

Acne waits until a boy is 13 before it comes onto his face.

In Soviet Russia,

You love Chinese and hate Chinese.

What does an emo kid and an apple have in common?

They both are hanging.

You know what to do with this?

Get it to the same amount of dislikes and likes!

What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor?

Dark humor is 10 babies in a trash can. Morbid humor is 1 baby in 10 trashcans.

Me and my friend roasting each other.

Friend: You look like a baboon.

Me: Stop talking, you look like a gorilla, so I might call animal control on you and I'll be seeing you at the zoo!

A guy walks into a gun store and everything is half off. He looks at his son and says, "I didn't know back to school sales started yet."

If it is called a forehead, what happened to the five-head, six-head, and seven-head?

Hey, What do you want? We broke up like 5 days ago, leave me alone. Ok, first wanna do some things? What kind of things? Illegal things. Like what? Knock you off and hide your body. 🤡🤡🗡

What’s the relationship between a pedophile and a light bulb? They're both meant for dark rooms.

One day it was me and my sister in the house. My sister said to me, "Let's order food." I said, "We have no money." My sister said, "It's cool; we're just going to order egg rolls from the Chinese store. I know the delivery boy, and he won't charge us." I said, "Cool."

The delivery boy came with the egg rolls. I took some and ate mine in my room. I went back in the kitchen. I see my sister giving the delivery boy a blow job. I ask, "What are you doing?" My sister replied back to me, "You had your egg rolls; let me enjoy mine." Then the delivery boy said, "Don't no charge."

This man came up to me and asked if I could sell my house to him, and I said sure. Then five days later, he said that the loan should come in the mailbox. Then I checked the mailbox, and the only thing I saw was nothing, so I told the guy, "DEEZ NUTS IN YOUR MOUTH!"