And jokes

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.

Jack got high and slapped his thigh and said, "You know you wanna."

Jill said yes, picked up her dress and said, "Let's have some fun!"

Silly ole Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.

What do you call a man without a body and a nose?

What is the difference between an orphan and a watermelon?

One of them is picked.

What is big and long and hard?

A cucumber!

When life gives you lemons... call them yellow oranges and sell 'em for double the price!

In Saudi Arabia, there lived a man named Abdul.

Abdul rhymes with Azul, the Spanish word for blue.

And he probably be lookin' more blue than me.

What's the difference between a puppy and an orphan?

Puppies get adopted.

An orphan boy at my school did really badly on a test and started crying. I said, “Don’t worry, your parents won’t say anything.”

If you mixed the Iraq wheat scandal with the basics card paying other people's dole to your wife and tumble dried it in a royal commission that made your priestly mates look bad, what would you get?

Tony Abbott's career.

What's the difference between 5% of priests and 5% of atheists?

5% of atheists have seen a ghost.

5% of priests have spooked altar boys in the sacristy.

Your family is so poor, when you knocked on the door for money, I offered you a penny, and when you knocked again, the rock answered and knocked you out.

One man's trash is another man's treasure, he said when he found out his parents split up and he is being adopted.

Yo momma so fat, I took a photo of her last year and it's still printing.

What's the difference between a Catholic priest and the devil?

The devil always has horns... not just around children.

I pushed a disabled kid into a fire and called him "hot wheels."

I was playing hide and seek at work the other day. Unfortunately, it ended with me in the hospital, though; ICU.

What's the difference between a mother and a father? The mother always comes back from the shop.

What do the Twin Towers and your siblings have in common?

Once they turn 18, they never come back.

I threw a dodgeball at a blind kid and got him out... guess I can say he didn't see it coming!

Yo mama so fat, when she falls, they have to call 999 and a crane to pick her up.