And jokes

What does a priest and Christmas tree have in common? The balls are just for decoration.

What’s the difference between Usain Bolt and Hitler?

Usain finished the races.

What's the difference between a dead person and a walkie-talkie?

A dead person does not walkie or talkie.

I wore a purple outfit to school, and some Indian kid called me Thanos, so I called him Vision and tried pulling the red dot off his head.

What’s something you can say in bed and in a Zoom meeting?

"Do you want the cameras on or off?"

What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common?

Their last big hit was the wall.

What’s something Bill Cosby and Freddy Krueger have in common?

Once you fall asleep, you’re fucked.

If LEO were a spice, she’d be flour... BLAND and FORGETTABLE!

What does weed and the Carolina Panthers have in common?

They both get smoked in bowls.

What's the difference between John Wayne and Jack Daniels?

Jack Daniels is still killing Indians.

Why can't England play chess?

Because they have no queen, and they will soon lose their king.

So I went to the gym and I found a hymn.

I saw your mother get into a white Ford Taurus on the corner of Milton and Halliburton, and you're still trying to tell me she ain't got no job cause she "can't get a ride to work?"

I bribbled a kid and he was bribbled hem so hard that his balls came off.

Magician: "I am the greatest magician in the whole world. Look, now you see the rabbit in the hat, and now it is gone!"

Redneck girl: "That's nothing. My dad is the greatest magician! He disappears for a whole year and reappears at Christmas for a couple of hours!"

What's the difference between normal sex and anal sex?

One makes your whole day and one makes your hole weak.

When you are being spoon-fed and your mum says, "Here comes the airplane."

What's the difference between a Russian potato and a U.S. potato?

The U.S. potato can still compete in the Special Olympics.

What does a blind kid and an orphan have in common?

They can’t see their parents.

Stories like Rudolph and Wonder show that different means worse.