And jokes

Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, and George Washington are on a sinking ship.

As the boat sinks, George Washington heroically shouts: “Save the women!”

George W. Bush hysterically hollers: “Screw the women!”

Bill Clinton asks excitedly: “Do we have time?”

Every depressed person just has to say, "I WANT TO JUMP OFF THAT TALL BUILDING RIGHT THERE!" and then points to the building and runs up to it like an immature child, and then they get disappointed when they aren't allowed into the building.

What do rocks and girls have in common?

The flat ones get skipped.

What's the difference between MH370 and my dad?

Both disappeared, but one killed 239 people.

What’s the difference between video games and my dad?

My dad doesn’t beat me.

Bill Clinton and Joe Biden are on a sinking ship.

Joe Biden says we need to save the women and children. Bill Clinton says, "Screw the women and children." Joe Biden says, "Do we have that much time?"

How do you know Adam and Eve were White?

Have you ever tried taking a rib from a Black man?

What’s the difference between a cancer patient and a British news reporter in the South?

They usually don’t live to tell the tale.

What do nail polish and panties have in common?

Both come off with alcohol.

What’s 9 inches long and makes my girlfriend scream?

One inch and put it in her. Her miscarriage.

What is the difference between Nicole Brown Simpson and cancer?

OJ couldn’t kill cancer.

Woman: I want a man who is 6 feet and 6 inches.

Man: Is 6 feet and 6 inches one thing or two?

Woman: Two, I want a man who is 6 feet and also is 6 inches.

Man: Shit!

What’s the difference between jelly and jam?

You can’t “jelly” it in her ass.

My girlfriend told me her lips were dry, and she had the audacity to get mad at me for telling her to walk.

Difference between Texas and Flint, Michigan?

Nothing, no one cares how much lead is in those kids.

I saw my sisters masturbating with cucumbers and hotdogs.

I said, "Come on, I was gonna eat that later! Now it's just gonna taste like hotdogs and cucumbers!"

What do orgasms and impulses have in common?

I don’t care if they have either of them.

What’s one thing you can say during a family dinner and in bed?

"Where are the kids?"

My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. "That's my stepladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."

Why was 2019 afraid of 2020?

Because they had a fight, and 2021.