And jokes

What is the difference between an orphan and a criminal?

Only one is wanted.

How do you call a mirror and an orphan?

Family reunion.

Children and your meat are actually quite similar.

At first you seem weirded out by spanking it, but later on you start to enjoy it.

Anyone on this app is homeless and has no point in life. Well, I'm on this app 24/7, so do I have no point in life 24/7, or am I just weird and unwanted?

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No idea.

Bonus joke: What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

Still no idea.

Mommy, Mommy, are you an archer?

"Shut up and keep the apple on your head still."

You lost 30 lbs when you joined Weight Watchers, and lost another 10 lbs when they shaved your back.

Your mom is so fat, when she swam in the sea, Wales came up to her and said, "We are family, even now you’re fatter than me."

What's the difference between a hundred decapitated babies and a Ferrari?

I don't have a Ferrari in my garage :|

Yo momma so fat, when she pulled out the chair, it screamed and broke itself.

What does an orphan and a dog have in common?

Both got taken from their parents.

When I got to school, they gave me an Acer laptop, so I went up to the teacher and aced her.

What is the difference between an orphan and an apple? Apples get picked.

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

An apple gets picked.

I jump and jump if you put bread in me too many times. What am I? A toaster.

"Batteries, batteries, who the batteries in your remotes and everything else you got in your house is turned upside down?"

Interviewer: What are your strengths?

Interviewee: I fall in love easily.

Interviewer: And your weaknesses?

Interviewee: Those beautiful green eyes of yours...

I saw an emo kid that got a haircut today. But instead of saying “Like ya cut, g” and slapping the neck, I slapped the wrist and said “Like ya cut’s g”.

Why should you always be friends with an emo kid?

They always hang around.

This is not a joke, nor did I come up with it.

If somebody calls you ugly, just hug them and say, "Life must be hard for you since you have visual impairment!"