And jokes

There was a girl called Millie, and she had sexy blond hair, and she wanted to chase me, but I told her she had to catch me first if she loves me.

When your boy tries to have a bad day while you're on your period:

Oh, you have a cold? How rude of me. I just laid an egg, and now my body is ripping down the walls of my uterus. But can I get you a tissue?

What's the difference between sex and gender?

You can't have gender with your sister.

What's common in vampires and American kids?

They both don't get old.

I refuse to go bungee jumping. I was brought into this world from broken plastic, and I REFUSE to die the same way.

Q: Why are orphans so successful? A: Because when they were younger, they got told, "Go big or go home," and only had one option.

I went to the grocery and they said I did something wrong, but I thought they were talking about a food, so I said, "Wrong yummy!"

What's the difference between red wings and old cassette tape players?

One eats tape while the other eats pussy.

What is the difference between Hitler and Usain Bolt?

Usain Bolt can finish a race.

Egg shaped, dome, bowling ball lookin' ass, bald fuck with that 360 degrees ahh head, motherfucker look like a damn balloon.

Call me Kobe 'cause I'm finna use your head as a basketball and throw it at yo' parents. Mr. Clean, bootleg Saitama lookin' ass mfer. No hair? :(

Yo papa's wife is so dumb and fat that we had to use yo papa.

My gf/bf said: "I'm dating your uncle!" You cry and you look under your bed and your uncle says: "Damn."

What's common between the penis and a Rubik's cube?

Both get hard when we play with them.

God needed an extra two hands to make your fat ass of a mother.

My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.

If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

What do the Twin Towers and Angry Birds' pigs have in common?

They always getting hit.

The ball kept getting bigger and bigger...

And then it hit me.

You know what's the difference between my basement and Chick-fil-A?

A lot of things.

What is the Mexican's favorite sport?

Cross country, wall climbing, and their favorite activity in the summer is lawn mowing.

I can't believe this!

Pizza is round and it comes in a square box, and you cut it into a triangle.