And jokes

A man wakes up in the hospital and says, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!"

"Of course," the doctor says. "I amputated your arms."

Tip for Kindness for the day.

Tip one. Always speak up for yourself.

Yes, letting someone else speak up for you is nice but also speak up for yourself, be brave if a mean bully comes along. Speak up for yourself and others if they need it. Best, Gwen

I went to the orphanage and yelled "your mama" jokes.

From your mom.

What do orphans and olden day actors have in common?

Both get food thrown at them some of the time.

Conspiracy Theorists: Technoblade is still alive!

Me: Pigs live between 15 and 20 years!

Fans: 😭😭😭

Foreplay in may areas: "You awake?"

Way down South: "You awake, mom?"

Did you hear about Alicia's car accident?

She was really drunk and all over the road until she was all over the road.

A man runs into a church and shouts, "Are there any dwarf nuns in the monastery?" The Pope said no, causing the man to say to his friend, "I told you you fucked a penguin!"

What touches kids and is made out of plastic?

Michael Jackson, hee hee!

What borders on stupidity?

Canada and Mexico.

A leaf and an emo are both falling from a tree.

Which one hits the ground first?

The leaf, the emo got caught by a rope.

Friends are like bananas. If you peel their skin off and eat them, they die.

What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit?

A zit will wait until you’re twelve before it comes on your face.

Yo mama so FAT... I tried to picture her in my head... AND SHE BROKE MY GOD DAMN NECK!

Roses are red.

Violets are blue.

I saw a monkey yesterday, and thought it was you.

What's yellow and can't swim?

A school bus full of kids.

I will never forget my mother and father's last words.

"Where the Sam hell did you get a grenade?"

Hate me all you want, but I gotta say, this whole thing with Gwen and TJ is ridiculous.

What do Miss Reeves and Michael Jackson have in common?

They both have a touchy feeling for kids.

What is the difference between a normal joke and a dad joke?

When it leaves and never comes back.