And jokes

I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.

What's brown and sticky?

A stick. Get your head out of the gutters... Jeez!

What’s the difference between a child and someone who has been kidnapped?

One of them is a domesticated pet.

What's long and black?

The line at Popeyes.

What's the difference between a nuclear reactor and your step sis? You need to use protection for the nuclear reactor.

Are you sad? Then don't be sad, because sad backwards is das, and das no good.

She said you can twerk, so I put her in a tractor and put her to work. She got mad at me and said, "There's no good men," but I gave her a kob and equal pay!

Yeah man! Life is wonderful! But, when you realize all of the ones you loved were fake.

And when you die, does your online friends notice? How will they notice? Or will they ever notice? Is 13 age too young for dying? Am I just paranoid? I'm scared.

"Sticks and stones break my bones."

A crowbar does it so much quicker.

Little Johnny sits on a chair. He notices he is sitting on something. Then he sees a plastic di**. He asks his mom, "What's that?" and Mom didn't know, so when his dad comes home from work, he sees him with the plastic di** and says, "Son, why you messing with my personal toy?"

My first name is Al and my last name is Coholic :) #yuengling.f/wat

What's the difference between a coat hanger and an emo?

Nothing, they both hang.

I went to self-checkout at a store and I scanned my products, but the scanner wouldn't scan the barcode on my arm.

My wife and I just decided we don't want to have children.

So if anyone wants them, our contact information is below.

Q: What’s the difference between Black Panther and Batman?

A: Batman “returns.”

A hot woman is ready to jump from a bridge and commit suicide when an ugly, stinky homeless man comes up to her and tells her, "Oh baby, you so hot, let's fuck!"

She just yells, "Get the fuck away, you creep!"

He just laughs and says, "Alright, I'll wait down there."

I went to the “lists of women” page on Wikipedia and it was blank.

Either, Wikipedia is proving women do not exist or John Cena decided to come out as transgender.

A man robs a bank and asks a woman, "Did you see that?"

She says, "Yes." So the man shoots her.

He leaves the bank and sees a couple. He asks, "Did you see that?" The husband said, "No, but my wife did!"

A homeless kid walked up to another kid and said, "I have what you don't." He said, "(Parents)."

And the kid said, "Your right, I do have parents," and walked away.

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple actually got picked.