And jokes

"Sticks and stones break my bones."

A crowbar does it so much quicker.

Little Johnny sits on a chair. He notices he is sitting on something. Then he sees a plastic di**. He asks his mom, "What's that?" and Mom didn't know, so when his dad comes home from work, he sees him with the plastic di** and says, "Son, why you messing with my personal toy?"

My first name is Al and my last name is Coholic :) #yuengling.f/wat

What's the difference between a coat hanger and an emo?

Nothing, they both hang.

I went to self-checkout at a store and I scanned my products, but the scanner wouldn't scan the barcode on my arm.

My wife and I just decided we don't want to have children.

So if anyone wants them, our contact information is below.

Q: What’s the difference between Black Panther and Batman?

A: Batman “returns.”

A hot woman is ready to jump from a bridge and commit suicide when an ugly, stinky homeless man comes up to her and tells her, "Oh baby, you so hot, let's fuck!"

She just yells, "Get the fuck away, you creep!"

He just laughs and says, "Alright, I'll wait down there."

I went to the “lists of women” page on Wikipedia and it was blank.

Either, Wikipedia is proving women do not exist or John Cena decided to come out as transgender.

A man robs a bank and asks a woman, "Did you see that?"

She says, "Yes." So the man shoots her.

He leaves the bank and sees a couple. He asks, "Did you see that?" The husband said, "No, but my wife did!"

A homeless kid walked up to another kid and said, "I have what you don't." He said, "(Parents)."

And the kid said, "Your right, I do have parents," and walked away.

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple actually got picked.

I can go to Walmart and scan my wrists. It'll say "antidepressants." ✨

A kid went and got a haircut. The day after, he went to school, and a friend says, "I like your cut." He replies, "Which one?"

I asked my mom why dad was so pale and sick. She said, "Shut the fuck up and keep digging!"

An orphan uses a family bathroom, and when he comes out, he gets told, "This is a family bathroom."

Your mama so fat, she walked by a TV and missed eight episodes.

God sent a kid to the principal's office for giving a blind kid sunglasses and said, "Don't let the sun damage your eyes!"

What do you get when you cross a shark and a computer? Computer bytes!

Two friends were walking in a forest. They started to fight.

A cannibal came and shouted, "Food fight!"