And jokes

There was once a Spanish magician. He said, "Uno, dos..." and he disappeared without a tres.

A farm full of cows were bombed, and only two survived. All of the udders died.

I broke up with my RBLX gf, and I heard my uncle crying in the other room.

Person: Why? You: No.

Money and women are kind of the same thing for me; it comes and goes very easily.

Guys, say "I love gape horn" really loud and you will get good luck for 10 years.

Crack me, break me, love me, and you ate me--egg.

What does a lawyer defending a killer and a password have in common? They're case sensitive.

Man 1: Hey, I heard you survived a school shooting. What was it like?

Man 2: People were screaming and running everywhere. I was only able to get a few of them.

So, one day a teacher asked, "How many of you have thought of committing suicide?" Half of the class raised their hand, but the teacher said, "Where are Jesse and John?"

"When your mom is pregnant and your best friend learns dad jokes."

Me:.....

What's the difference between an orphan and a second-hand book?

The second-hand book was loved once.

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

One gets picked.

What does a zebra and I have in common?

We both have stripes.

I bought myself the life-sized Jesus painting off of Amazon, and they had 4 nails within the pack. All I needed was 1.

Me: Kills the boss and takes his loot.

Everyone else in the office: 😱

Found this girl in Hawaii.

Put a stick up her ass and she said, "Ayi."

An eight-year-old girl struggles to breathe as she lies on a hospital bed and waits for the doctor to come. After the doctor comes, he pulls his cock out of her mouth, and she can breathe much better.

I asked the orphan if he wanted to watch all the Tom Holland Spider-Man movies with me, and he started crying.

What do priests and McDonald's have in common? They both like putting their meat in between 5-year-old buns.