And jokes

Are you made of Gold, Titanium, Sulfur, Titanium, and Carbon?

Cause damn, you lookin' kinda Au Ti S Ti C!

How can you tell Donald Trump is old and demented?

He can't distinguish between tanned people and cockroaches!

"Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.... All the king's horses and all the king's men, COULDN'T PUT HUMPTY TOGETHER AGAIN."

"Rock-a-bye, baby on the treetop when the wind blows the cradle will rock when the bough breaks the cradle will fall and down will come baby cradle and all

Rock-a-bye, baby on the treetop when the wind blows the cradle will rock

when the bough breaks the cradle will fall and down will come baby cradle and all"

Anyone else finding the hidden horror in these?

🤔 ❓ How do lesbians 😳 practice safe 🙏 sex they put condoms on dildos and then they put dildos inside of their 👄 👄 👄 mouths and then they perform fellatio on them

What do you get when you cross a German and a Mexican? A “BeanerSchnitzel”!

I sometimes want rampage, but what good would that do?

I look for a way out, but there's not even a light shining through.

The times where all is dark, are the times that I need a mark.

Though people say that nobody will care, the truth is: there's always one who's fair.

That person may not be the one you expect, but I am here with a passion to redirect.

Once there was a time where I tried to end it all, because I only looked on the dark side.

Truth was I wanted to be heard, to be respected, to let someone know.

But that was in the past and this isn't about my dark ride, it's time for others to know that only a few words, can extinguish a glow.

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed.

The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.

“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”

The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”

There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”

How many Quebecers does it take to change a lightbulb?

4!

One to hold the bulb, two to turn the chair he's standing on, and one to sing "Alouette, gentille alouette!"

Be warned, if you are in the shower, I might pikachu and it's not my fault if I see any jigglypuffs.

I like my girls like I like my wine.

12 years old and locked in my basement.

Give a blind kid a gun and tell him it's a hair dryer.

Jesus said to his disciples, "Go forth and ye shall receive eternal life." Thomas came fifth, however, so he only got a toaster.

What is similar between sex and fishing?

It doesn't matter how deep you go, it matters how you wiggle the worm.

What is a threesome with 3 guys?

Gay sex and a witness.

What do a bag of chips and a gun have in common?

When you pull either one out in class, everyone all of a sudden wants to be your friend...

I gave a blind kid a gun and told him it was a hair dryer.

What's the difference between a T-Rex and your sister? I can't stick my dick in a dinosaur.

What do McDonald's and a priest have in common? They both put their meat in 10 year old buns.

At school, Bobby's classmate tells him some depressing stuff. Later that day, Bobby comes home crying and his mom greets him at the door with "Why are you crying?" Bobby says, "Someone said my grandpa died, but when did he die?" His mom looks him straight in the eye and says, "Depends, which one are you referring to?"

Do you know the difference between toilet paper and a shower curtain?

So you're the one!