And jokes

What do Star Trek and toilet paper have in common?

Both fly around Uranus and wipe out Klingons!

What's the difference between 100 dead babies and a Lamborghini?

I don't have a Lamborghini.

What do Michael Jackson and Pinocchio have in common?

They both lie over little boys 😂

How do you blindfold an Asian? String!

What is the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus?

It only takes one nail to hang a painting.

What do priests and doctors have in common?

They both do physicals on kids.

What does a cigarette and a hamster have in common?

Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.

Did you hear they think Michael Jackson died from food poisoning? He ate 12-year-old nuts and a 13-year-old wiener.

What do a priest and a McDonalds have in common?

They both slide their meat in 10 year old buns.

What’s the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby?

Dogs only lick peanut butter off private parts.

When you're sitting in class and the quiet kid yells, "Lovely day, isn't it?" ... and you see a Glock shape in his pocket.

Today was a terrible day. My wife got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.

A man was walking with a young boy in the woods.

The boy looks at the man and says, "Mister, it's too dark and I'm getting scared."

The man replies with, "How do you think I feel? I have to come back alone!"

I met another kid with Down syndrome the other day and attempted to talk to him. But my mom showed up and was asking me why I am talking to the mirror.

What's similar between a 14 year old pregnant girl and the fetus inside of her?

They're both thinking, "Oh shit, my mom's going to kill me!"

What do Ellen DeGeneres and homeless people have in common?

They don’t cook because they love eating out.

What is the difference between a book and a Mexican?

One has papers.

How many line cooks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Three. One to do it, and two to say that they did it better at the previous restaurant they were at.

Don't be sad, because that's das backwards and das not good.

What’s the difference between a hoe and a rooster?

A rooster says, "Cock-a-doodle-doo," and a hoe says, "Any cock will do."