And jokes
Itβs true women do make less money than men.
But itβs their fault because they choose the lower paying jobs. Men, for example, choose the higher paying jobs like doctor or lawyer. Whereas women choose the lower paying jobs like women doctor and women lawyer.
An emo went to high five a tree, and it left them hanging.
What do blind kids and orphans have in common?
Neither of 'em can see their parents.
Why can't people in wheelchairs be gay? Cuz you can't be a fruit and a vegetable at the same time.
I was walking till I saw a kid sitting on the street. I walked over there and said, "Where are your parents?" He cried even more.
Oh, I just love talking to orphans.
Memes
My fish died, and I didn't do anything. I just took my fish for a walk.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to have some hankery panky.
Silly Jill forgot her pill,
And now there's little Frankey.
Which book takes an extreme turn and has an incredible plot twist?
- The math book. Suddenly letters appear in the calculations...
I once called a depressed guy [to ask] why he loves ropes so much, and he left HUNGing on the phone. (I'm not English, so I could've talked bad.)
What is the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute?
A prostitute can wash their crack and resell it.
I can make 9/11 jokes, but every time I do, they crash and burn.
My wife said I had no sense of direction... so I packed my sh*t and left.
Me: Good night, everyone.
My friends and family: Night.
Me: *gets in coffin*
My family: *stares at my friends* You aren't going to do something?!?
My friends: *to my family* Nope, this is normal.
Why was the orphan so successful?
Because people always said, "Go big or go home," and he only had one option. ππ€£
My friend had an allergic reaction after he ate a peanut.
We got his EpiPen to help him when Penaldo appeared because he heard the word "PEN". He tried stealing the pen, but I said, "No pens for you," and "Brentford". He cried and ran away. Shame on you, Penaldo the fraud!
Jesus and Satan are just basically Homer and Flanders. One tries to help the other, only for Satan to just say, "Shut up!"
What does a Rubik's cube and a man's penis have in common?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
(There was a mommy tomato, a daddy tomato, and a baby tomato.)
Baby: Wait for me!
(Father tomato walks back toward the baby.)
(He squishes the child.)
Father: Ketchup!
"911, whatβs your emergency?" I asked, listening to the quiet sobs of a little kid on the other end of the line.
βI think my daddy want to kill me,β the girl said and cried, making me freeze on the spot as I recognized my daughterβs voice.
I just planted emo grass.
Ignore it and it cuts itself.