And jokes

Why is there air conditioning in hospitals?

To keep the vegetables cold and fresh.

What's the difference between a Corvette and a pile of dead babies?

I don't have a Corvette in my garage.

What’s the difference between a man and a margarita?

A margarita hits the spot every time.

If a stork brings white babies, and a blackbird black babies, what bird brings no babies?

A swallow.

What's the difference between your mom and a laundromat washer?

The washer doesn't take loads for free.

I don't like consistency. Last night, I spent three hours looking at a room and thinking, "I need a flower pot here, and the couch should be on the right." Eventually, the police arrived and led me away from my neighbor's window.

Next time you see a Brit, go up to them and say:

"Imagine losing a 'Tea Party in Boston.'"

What do planes and offices have in common?

They both tend to cross paths at the wake of disaster.

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan? Apples get picked. Orphans don't.

What's the difference between a priest and a rabbi? A rabbi cuts it off, a priest sucks it off.

what did Germany and Austria do after ww2?

accepted all art students

If Germany is the father land, and Russia is the mother land, would WWII just be domestic violence?

What the difference between a priest and acne

Acne waits till your 13 to cum on your face

What's the difference between Nickelback and a nickel?

A nickel is actually metal.

I can go to Walmart and scan my wrists. It'll say "antidepressants." ✨

What do you say to a feminist with no arms and no legs?

"Nice tits, bitch."

How do you get a slag from Dundee pregnant?

Spunk in the gutter and let the flies do the work...

I couldn’t understand why the baseball was getting bigger and bigger.

Then it hit me.

What goes up and down but stays in the same place?

Stairs.

Two Indians talk over a long distance using smoke signals.

In the middle of the conversation, a nuclear bomb explodes behind one of them, and a huge cloud of smoke rises silently into the sky.

The other Indian signals with smoke: "Not so loud!"