And jokes

What kind of woman does Bill Cosby like the most?

The “cold and passed out” kind.

What's better than sex with your 12 year old sister?

Rolling her over and pretending it's your 10 year old brother.

What's the difference between peanut butter and jam? I can't peanut butter my dick up your ass.

What do a convention of nerds and Kurt Cobain's garage have in common?

There's brains all over the place.

I heard that my crush got kicked in the balls and when I thought of it...

One day I was walking around, then saw this mom mad at her kid and screamed, "You're adopted!" He said, "Yeah, I know. My REAL mommy is still at home with daddy."

What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?

You can't hear an enzyme.

So, a blind guy is sitting on a park bench with his seeing eye dog right beside him. Suddenly, his seeing eye dog cocks his leg and pisses all over the blind guy's leg. So the blind guy gives the dog a treat.

A man taking a walk saw the entire thing and said to the blind man, "That is the most charitable thing I’ve ever seen, your dog deliberately pissed on you and here you are giving him a dog biscuit." The blind man says, "Oh it’s not what you think, I’m just trying to find his head so I can kick him in the ass."

Women are like iPhones, you have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like Blackberrys, rub one ball and everything moves!

Grew up playing Fruit Ninja on my iPad. Spent time with my online sister playing multiplayer.

Now I play it in school with an awesome small steel blade.

I’m not allowed my phone during school hours and I have to give it in at the start of the day...

My friend told me my wrist wasn't a cutting board. So I asked her if hers was at all, and if I could borrow it.

What is the difference between a feminist and a gorilla? One of them is fat and hairy, while the other one has a functional brain (the gorilla, of course).

I don't like 9/11 jokes, they tend to crash and burn.

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

Apples are actually picked.

So here's the joke. A bear walks into a bar and sits down and then....then..........then................................zzzz

What's the difference between Ironman and Ironwoman? One is a superhero and the other is a simple command.

Hey, I know this is a classic joke but I found it pretty funny!

"My name is 4, four like the number," my friend said. "What, was 1 2 3 taken?"

I can even with it but I was bored and decided to share this.

What's the difference between a child and a carrot? About 140 calories.

Why do rapists and pedophiles never win a race?

Because they always like to come in a little behind.

Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime.

Teach a feminist to fish and she will accuse you of patronising her, claim she knew how to do it anyway, and that even if she didn’t, she could easily work it out without the help of a man.