And jokes

What's the difference between a black dad and a boomerang? A boomerang comes back.

There are only 363 days in a year for orphans because Mother's Day and Father's Day don't count.

What do food and dark humor have in common? Some people don’t get it.

I was making sandcastles with my Nan, then my mum came in the room and took away the urn.

I figured out why everyone is buying toilet paper. Because a huge rock is headed towards Earth, and paper covers rock.

What does a roller coaster and Michael Jackson have in common?

Kids ride for free.

When people make accounts about you and a category.

what's black and red and is a liquid?

my scars!

Three rednecks, Billy, Joe, and John, are talking about their hobbies. They agree on shooting. John says, "I like shooting animals." Joe says, "I like shooting birds." Billy says, "I like shooting cans." Joe and John ask, "What kind of cans, like bear cans, Pepsi cans, or cola cans?" Billy responds, "Africans, Mexicans, Jamaicans, and Asian Americans."

A guy was on trial for murder, and if convicted, would get the electric chair. His brother found out that a redneck was on the jury and figured he would be the one to bribe. He told the redneck that he would be paid $10,000 if he could convince the rest of the jury to reduce the charge to manslaughter.

The jury was out an entire week and returned with a verdict of manslaughter.

After the trial, the brother went to the redneck's house, told him what a great job he had done, and paid him the $10,000.

The redneck replied that it wasn't easy to convince the rest of the jury to change the charge to manslaughter. They all thought he was not guilty and wanted to let him go.

Yo mama's so old, when she was a girl, rainbows were black and white.

what's the difference between an onion and a baby?

nobody cries when you cut up the baby.

Sex is like math.

Subtract the clothes, add the bed, divide the legs, and pray to God there is no multiplying.

What did Melania ever see in Donald Trump?

$2 billion and high cholesterol.

Q: When and where was the biggest BBQ ever?

A: Hiroshima, Japan 1946.

I'm telling my kids that in 2020 I survived world war 3, the zombie apocalypse, the invasion of the murder hornets, and the second American revolution.

A heavily pregnant woman is in an accident and gives birth to twins while comatose. Upon awakening some days later, the doctors tell her that her brother Tom filled out the birth certificates while she was out.

"Oh no, Tom's an idiot, what did he name my daughter?" she asked the nurse.

"Denise."

"That's not a bad name. And what did he name the boy?"

"Tom Junior."

So, this guy and his wife figure out that she has gotten pregnant. The baby is due March 31st. Well, the guy is at work and he gets a call from his wife. She tells him she is going into labor. He rushes to pick her up, and once he is on the road, he starts speeding. Eventually, he hits another car and swerves off the road into a ditch. He wakes up in the hospital, looks around but doesn’t see his wife. He asks the doctor, "Is my wife okay? She was carrying my child." The doctor said the wife is fine and the baby is in good health. 10 seconds later he goes, "APRIL FOOLS! Your wife is dead and your child has brain damage."

What does a phone and a grandma have in common? They both die.

What's the difference between them? If you shove something up your grandma's ass, she won't come back to life.

What's the difference between a sack of dead babies and a Mercedes?

I don’t have a Mercedes.