And jokes

Yo mama's so old, when she was a girl, rainbows were black and white.

A couple were trying new things in the bedroom to spice up their marriage. The husband would blindfold the wife, put on a condom and she would guess the flavor. They did this one time a night.

The first night, she put the blindfold on and he put the condom on his dick and she tasted it, she immediately knew it was strawberry. The second night, the same thing happened except it was banana. The third night, she put the blindfold on and tasted his dick and said, "Eww it tastes like cheese and onions." The husband replied, "Hang on I haven't put the condom on yet."

What's the difference between Clint Eastwood and anal sex?

One will make your day, and the other will make your hole weak.

What kind of woman does Bill Cosby like the most?

The “cold and passed out” kind.

What's better than sex with your 12 year old sister?

Rolling her over and pretending it's your 10 year old brother.

I heard that my crush got kicked in the balls and when I thought of it...

One day I was walking around, then saw this mom mad at her kid and screamed, "You're adopted!" He said, "Yeah, I know. My REAL mommy is still at home with daddy."

What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?

You can't hear an enzyme.

So, a blind guy is sitting on a park bench with his seeing eye dog right beside him. Suddenly, his seeing eye dog cocks his leg and pisses all over the blind guy's leg. So the blind guy gives the dog a treat.

A man taking a walk saw the entire thing and said to the blind man, "That is the most charitable thing I’ve ever seen, your dog deliberately pissed on you and here you are giving him a dog biscuit." The blind man says, "Oh it’s not what you think, I’m just trying to find his head so I can kick him in the ass."

What is the difference between a feminist and a gorilla? One of them is fat and hairy, while the other one has a functional brain (the gorilla, of course).

Women are like iPhones, you have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like Blackberrys, rub one ball and everything moves!

My friend told me my wrist wasn't a cutting board. So I asked her if hers was at all, and if I could borrow it.

Little Johnny ran into the kitchen and asked his mother, "Mom, can little girls have babies?" His mom answered, "Of course not." A few minutes later, his mom heard him shout to his friend, "It's okay, we can keep playing!"

What is the difference between an orphan and Pikachu? Pikachu, I choose you!

What's the difference between a good TV show and a gay man?

One makes your day and one makes your whole week.

I don't like 9/11 jokes, they tend to crash and burn.

Hey, I know this is a classic joke but I found it pretty funny!

"My name is 4, four like the number," my friend said. "What, was 1 2 3 taken?"

I can even with it but I was bored and decided to share this.

What's the difference between Ironman and Ironwoman? One is a superhero and the other is a simple command.

Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime.

Teach a feminist to fish and she will accuse you of patronising her, claim she knew how to do it anyway, and that even if she didn’t, she could easily work it out without the help of a man.

What's the difference between a child and a carrot? About 140 calories.