And jokes

A man is sitting on a bench at a playground where children are playing. A man named Chris comes up and asks, “Which one is yours?” The man said, “I don’t know, I’m still deciding.”

19 and 20 had a fight. 21.

A priest and a nun are traveling across the desert on a camel, and when all of a sudden the camel dies. They’re in the middle of the desert with no hope of rescue when that night the priest thinks to himself that he can’t die a virgin. He looks over at the nun and pulls out his penis. The nun says, "Father, what is that?" He says, "This, sister, is the wand of life." The nun says, "Good, now go stick it in that camel's ass and let’s get the hell out of here!"

What goes Snap, Crackle, and Pop?

A neck.

For boys, life is a lot like a penis: simple, soft, straight, relaxed, and hanging freely......... then a woman makes it really hard.😩😉😏

I went to my boss's funeral and knelt down to his coffin and whispered, "Whose late now?"

If you're ever angry, go ahead and punch an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

I called a suicidal hotline in Iraq and they asked me if I could drive a truck.

I asked the little German girl to rate our sex between 1-10. She kept crying and shouting "9!"

That's the best I've done so far.

What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?

The apple gets picked.

Santa and Bill Cosby's favorite quote: "Don't be dumb, make sure they're numb, and always use a condom!"

What do women and airplanes have in common?

A cockpit.

Yo mama so poor she walked into an elevator and thought it was a mobile home.

What's the difference between a Lambo and a boner?

Your sister didn't give me a Lambo.

What does a gay man that is a dumb blonde and who is a prostitute do after he sucks cock?

Spit out the feathers.

What's the difference between a feminist and Hitler?

Both were good at starting wars, only difference was Hitler knew when to kill himself afterwards.

A German soldier is walking down the street during a hail storm when a lady suddenly falls over after being hit. He, along with a few others, walk over to her. One man asks, "What happened?" and the soldier replies, "Hail hit her."

I told someone some jokes, y'know? "Fruit Ninja," "barcode legs," "French puppet thigh wrings." And she was like saying that's not cool and stuff. So she reported me, and it was like:

The counselor: "So I've heard you've been making sh jokes?" Me: "You say it like it's a bad thing." Her: "It is." Me: "Chill bro, it ain't that deep. Don't worry I'll end it :)"

Jack and Jill went up a hill so Jack could eat her candy. But Jack got a shock and a mouth full of c*** because Jill's real name is Randy.

After a lord comes back from vacation, he meets the gardener at the gates of his park.

Lord: "Has something happened while I was gone?"

Gardener: "Ah, nothing much, I just broke a shovel while I was burying your dog."

Lord: "My dog died?!"

Gardener: "Yes, it choked on the smoke when your mansion burnt down."

Lord: "My mansion?! How?!"

Gardener: "Well, your wife was distraught and dropped a candle on the curtains."

Lord: "Why was she so distraught?"

Gardener: "She received the news of your daughter being kidnapped."

Lord: "My daughter! Don't you have any positive news for me?!"

Gardener: "Oh right! Your cancer test results!"