And jokes

Suicide bombers, carry bombs and remember to breathe.

I joke about 9/11 because if I did it, it would have a tendency to crash and burn.

Bob the Golden Retriever and Lily the Husky were talking at Bob's house.

Lily: Bob, do you think I'm fat?

Bob: No, Lily, of course not! You're just a little husky!!!! Lol. Golden Retrievers are funny.

What’s the difference between a mosquito and a blonde?

The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.

He drove too far away from the wall, and the cord unplugged.

If you're American coming into the bathroom,

And you're American coming out of the bathroom,

What are you in the bathroom?

European.

What has 2 legs and is red all over?

People named Joey are autistic and need to die fatty.

I went to school and everyone was screaming and looking at me. They weren't after I shot them, though.

I am counting my fingers and get nine. Why?

Hi, here's a joke: You're wasting your time and space, you know it... :D

I made someone a PB and J sandwich... they died.

I love your mom and dad's joke! They made it together and called it your name.

What's the difference between Batman and Robin?

Batman can go to the store without robbin'.

Two men are next to each other. One looks at the other and asks, "Are you a fascist?"

The other man responds, "No, why would I be?"

The first man pulls out a gun and says, "Are you sure?"

The second man says, "Never mind, I am a fascist!"

How did they know Princess Diana had dandruff?

They found her Head and Shoulders in the glove compartment.

What’s the difference between a boomerang and my dad?

Only the boomerang came back. It’s been 14 years, where’s my dad?

How are babies and the elderly similar?

They are both fun to throw out of moving cars.

Yo mama's so dumb, her dad said, "You're driving me crazy," and she said, "I didn't know crazy was a place!"

Stephen Hawking drove too far away from the wall and unplugged himself.