And jokes

A woman asked Stephen Hawking to dance, and he replied, "I'm not much good, I have two left feet."

"Then how about Karaoke?"

To which he replied, "I have two left throats."

I scanned an emo girl's arm the other day. Now I own her, only 3.99 with tax. That's a steal and a half, woopeeee!

A girl's pussy is a muff, and when we have something against our mouths, they say our voice is muffled, so do I think the origin of the word "muffled" is talking while eating muff?

Your forehead is big. God said dude that's bigger than me and I'm infinitely big!

If they’re short and called Rose and born in June, they’re emo.

What do an orphan's parents and Nemo have in common?

They both can't be found.

If every time someone faints when they see your face and I get 1 cent, I would be a trillionaire.

One day, someone's ex was going to the kitchen to get something to eat, and her ex-boyfriend was there and gave her an apple. Next minute, she had chlamydia. What did the boyfriend do?

My boyfriend and I were playing baseball last night with some of our friends. Halfway through the game we took a break and he asked me to hold his balls for him whilst he went to the toilet.

All our friends were shocked when I went into the boys' bathroom with him.

Look at my name and you'll see.

I read the Brothers Grimm books, then I see a black figure reaping about.

I realized someone has died, but I don't do anything about it. I continue to read, and that's when I realized that I was one of the characters, in which at the end, dies.

Check out my new song. It’s called “Nlggas in the hood,” and it’s really good, so go listen.

I got more followers than Charli, because I brought a bottle of filtered water and food through Africa.

Stephen Hawking was a spac. But if you put an E on the end, you get space, and he loved that.

Why is an orphan into worshiping Satan?

'Cause they get to call someone "master" and be freaky.

Who else liked the part in Morbius when he said his catchphrase "IT'S MORBIN' TIME" and MORBED over everyone? In my theater we had a standing ovation!

What's the difference between 8 and 9? When you have the 9, everyone wants to be your friend.

A man walks into a library and asks for books about paranoia.

The librarian whispers, "They're right behind you!"

I saw some kids bullying a kid in a wheelchair. I grabbed the kid, pushed him down the stairs, and said, "GTA physics."

What's the difference between a used condom and the UCP?

The condom was actually useful at one point.