And jokes

I broke up with my girlfriend and stole her wheelchair.

Guess who likes vegetables now?

A mushroom walks into a bar and tries to hit on a blonde. When she turns him down, he goes to her and says, "C'mon, I'm a fun guy!"

Guy: Are you depression? 'Cause you're crippling me.

Car driver: No, I'm the guy that hit you with his car and crippled you.

Guy: Don't worry, I was already crippled because I got crippling depression.

If you're white and you're racist to someone, don't do anything.

"Today was the worst day ever." "Why?" Because my ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.

What is the difference between a human and a magic house!?

A magic house 🏡 can fly, and a human can walk.

What happens when you cross a cow and a redneck?

The redneck fucks the cow.

I

FCC’s

Rhgstvyvybuiucrxbukuvtxw is a really nice day to come over and Thursday morning at the skatepark. I hygybhbubugydedhepbzehnsiejrfuidjojdueu is a bdebdurbxornixrnidnrjbdirudjbdjebhsbeha hle se hav rhz rhombus rhxhbeihs Heudjebxrbxh rbxh.

Her last name starts with "A" and ends with "D," and the middle letters are "P-O-O."

I'll pat your breasts, pat your breasts, cos I'm a baker's man, and you better bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I'll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", And then throw you in the fire cos you're now worthless to me!

A 6-year-old girl decides to get baptized. She walks into the water of the river. Unfortunately, the pastor was drunk. The pastor put her in the water and dunked her under. The drunken man then forgot to bring her up from the water. The poor girl drowned and died...

Later on, when the pastor was better and thrown in jail, all he had to say to the mortified family was, “Well, at least she’s in heaven!”

What do autistic retards and birds have in common?

They both flap their arms, lol.

What do you get when you cross breed a woman and a horse? A neigh-ga.

Haven’t they switched him off and then back on yet?

You walk into an area that has big asses on the wall, and they feel lifelike, so you put your dick into them, and you go on the opposite side of the wall, and women are naked through the wall.

What's the difference between 13 dead babies and a skeleton?

There aren't any, there's 13 skeletons in my closet.

He went too far away from the wall, and he got unplugged.

A man attacked me with cheese and milk. How dairy!

What’s green and has wheels?

Grass, I lied about the wheels.

Son: Daddy, what's dark humor?

Dad: See that man over there with no arms or legs? Go tell him to stand up and clap.

Son: But Daddy, I'm blind.

Dad: Exactly.