And jokes

I like my new... e-a-tree and a tree that is a magic house and a tree tree and a...

What's the difference between a human and a tree?

A human can chop down a tree.

A tree can't chop down a human.

I would create an orphan website, but you need a homepage to do that.

How are babies and watermelons similar?

They are both fun to smash open with a sledgehammer and eat the insides.

What’s the difference from me and a gay person? You.

What’s the difference between Burger King and Ron Jeremy?

BK doesn’t sell real meat.

Mozart doesn't care if Bach is better than him; at least he puts a lot of emotion [into his music and] he makes people happy.

To whoever @heil dem anfuhrer is, I hope you know I can’t understand what you’re saying. So next time you get on an American website, please speak English, and I don’t speak whatever European language that is.😊

What do autistic retards and birds have in common?

They both flap their arms, lol.

So Timmy was walking down the street with his friend Lea. Suddenly a car drives by and Timmy waves at the car.

Lea looks at him, puzzled, then later asks him; "Why'd you wave at that car back there?"

Timmy replies "Oh that was my brother, he went to the bar. He must just be driving home..."

Back in ancient Greece, there was a Greek Skyrim, but instead of FUS ROH DAH, the main character said, "Me damnit, Ganymede, get the #10 lightning bolt, I hate it when Helios lets his kids drive!"

If you don't get this, look up the story of Phaethon, and if you STILL don't get it, then you are dumb.

What's the difference between Fortnite and PUBG?

I don't know.

Three guys are escaping from North Korea through a tunnel.

The guards know that they are coming and will shoot them with paintball guns as a warning.

The guys show up and the guards shoot them.

The guys die because the guards used real guns.

When your friend gets involved with someone, it affects the friendship. Whenever a friend of mine has a new girlfriend, we should say I looked like the person you used to know, but I've been modified to survive in this relationship. If we have an argument and she's there, I might disagree with you; I'd rather continue to see her naked.

If a WOMAN gets RAPED, RUN INTO THE SECNE AND HELP HER.

What do 9/11 and Covid-19 both have in common?

Asians caused them both!

Orphan jokes are just hurtful, and that is all they are, so please stop.

"1v1," said Kobe. LeBron James says, "Ok, bet," and bet the money. Bro, ok, let's get it."

Do no doctor start with A and A+?

What’s black and rings the doorbell?

Stevie Wonder answering the iron.