And jokes

Alien

I found an alien in my backyard. I put him to work. He went to a farm, and I never saw him again. Moments later, he is on the Daily Planet acting as a reporter. A green rock smashed my house. I called him back, and he passed out.

I remarked, "You lazy!"

Muslim

Why doesn't a Muslim girl like her dad and namaz?

Because she has to get on her knees.

School shooting

Why are school shootings branded “very American”?

1. They usually happen in the USA.

2. They’re like the Fourth of July: there’s a lot of loud banging and kids screaming.

Memes

Difference

What's the difference between a Black person and a White person? Nothing, are you racist?

Water

African Kid: "Mom, can we have water?"

Mom: "Sure, it's in the house."

African Kid: *Goes to the fridge and opens the door searching for cold water*

The fridge: ERROR 404 Water Not Found

Orphan

What's the difference between Kanye West and an orphan?

Kanye West has parents.

Headache

A husband walks into the bedroom door holding two aspirin and a glass of water.

His wife asked what that was for.

"It is for your headache."

"I don't have a headache."

He smiles. "Gotcha!!!!"

Orphan

I punched an orphan, and he told me to leave him alone. I said, "What are you gonna do, tell your parents?"

Head

If Emma Feel had a penny every time someone gave her head, she would have enough to make Mark Zuckerberg and Trump her third-legged bitch.

Relationship

Hey anime girl, I hope you know that Jayden is a boy and we got back together.

Hahahaha, you never had a chance, so hahahaha!

Man

What do you call a gay man that performs fellatio on a man and cunnilingus on a woman, a person who is curious about male bisexuality, a man that is bicurious?

Does it cycle now?

Misfortune

UGHHHHHHH TODAY WAS TERRIBLE! My wife got hit by a bus!!! And I lost my job as a bus driver!

Skeleton

Sans: Why did the skeleton go to the party?

Papyrus: Why?

Sans: 'Cause he was too fat and ugly!

Papyrus: AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHA LOLOL,OLOLOL

Koala

Q: What’s a koala's face song? A: Never gonna give you up BECAUSE it hangs on the tree and the person is the tree?

Shooter

When the school shooter shoots the autistic kid and he thinks he's having an orgasm.

Momma

Your momma's so nasty, she sucked your daddy's dick and kissed you good night!

Cancer

What do kids with cancer and cancer jokes have in common?

CANCER!

Just kidding, they are both fun to laugh at.