And jokes

What's the difference between apples and orphans?

Apples get picked.

The duck walked up to the lemonade stand.

And he said to the man Running the stand, "Hey! Bomp bomp bomp Got any grapes?"

Why did the Titanic and the iceberg hate each other?

Because the Titanic hit it.

Why do you have to wipe yourself with toilet paper? Because bugs can crawl, eat your poop, and drink your pee!

What's yellow and can't swim?

A school bus full of children.

What’s the difference between a prostitute and a drug dealer?

The prostitute can wash her “crack” and sell it again.

Rubbing everywhere but not the clit and asking, "Do you like that?"

(dude wtf)

What are the four seasons?

Salt, Pepper, Sugar, and Flour.

What’s a rapper’s favorite type of cereal?

Snap, crackle, and RAP!

Why don’t rappers play hide and seek?

Because good rappers always stand out!

What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?

Well, at least one gets picked.

What do you call a grey, fat, and very old unicorn?

A rhino.

How did Peter Parker get caught as Spider-Man?

Well, he weaved a really tangled web, and Aunt May saw it.

We were at a restaurant today, and my dad was talking about a place called Sea Ranch.

I asked, "What do they raise there? Sea horses?"

What do you call a homosexual in a coma?

A fruit and a vegetable!

Driving on a road at night and hit a speed bump. Remember, there are no speed bumps... I hit Bambi!

What did Pepper say to Spray?

"Hey Spray, I'm Pepper, and I think we should fight crime!"

A skeleton walks into a bar and said it takes "backbone" to mess with me, and if you try to insult me, I have thick skin.

You’re so lame, you don’t have a superpower!

"Yah, I do!"

Oh yeah? What is it?

"My diaphragm contracts and moves downwards into my chest cavity and my lungs expand!"

That’s breathing, Jim.

"NO IT’S NOT, JACOB, YOU CAN’T PROVE IT!"

I went to the bathroom and into a stall to see a hole in the wall. It reminded me of "The Lickable Wallpaper" from "Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory." I jokingly started licking. Though, the carrot tasted musky and kinda wrinkly.