And jokes

"Fuck" and "sex" are hot, which is fire.

My wife called me ugly, and then when she found out how much money I actually make, she called me ugly and broke.

Q. What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common? A. Same middle name! 😂

Hi, how are you? Busy, busy today, and I have to...

A dad and his son walk out to the middle of the woods armed only with a shovel and a lantern.

Son: "Dad, it's creepy out here!"

Dad: "You're complaining? I'm the one that has to leave the woods alone!"

A guy in a Costco was pretty pissed off at something. A guy walks up to him and says, "What's wrong, pal? Don't worry, it's not like you're on an abandoned aisle!"

Daughter: Dad, why did Mom do best?

Dad: Nothing, except pretend to love us and leave.

Daughter: So she only loves my sister?

Dad: Yep.

What the difference between cats and dogs? They dont have one both taste good

What's a zig zag and made of wood?

Stephen's coffin.

I met this kid and he was being bullied by 9 people. I Asked 1 whats going on. They all said another one to bully they all tried hitting me and then my mates which was like 15 of them came in and it was like war all over again.

I go 7u7. I said I go 7u7. Get Rick and rolled, my son.

A lady comes into the boys' bathroom and a boy sees her.

"This is not a girls' bathroom," he says.

She answers, "I don’t care," she says, "I NEED TO PEE!"

Q: What is the difference between a dead body and an orphan?

A: The dead body had a family.

Did you hear about the astronaut that stepped in gum and got stuck?

He got stuck in orbit! Hehhehe.

Me in my dream: What a good day! *rumble* Ooh! What was that?

I wake up and I find myself on the floor.

What's the difference between you and your mom?

I slept with your mom.

What did the banana say to Ethan, Ryan, and Cooper?

"Hi!"

My sister said, "LET'S GO TO PIZZA!" So, I went to the pizza shop with her and she replied, "We really only needed the car?"

Which two football teams played in the pirate Superbowl?

The Seahawks and the Buccaneers.

What is the difference between the human rights act and a dad?