And jokes
What begins in F and ends in UCK?
Fire truck.
If you wait for a woman to get 9 months pregnant and kill her, you will never be able to stop the loop.
Q: What is the difference between a pizza and a baby?
A: The pizza does not scream when you put it in the oven.
What's Yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of dead babies.
Alright, my sister is ALWAYS dancing randomly all the time, and what I say is, "Go get you boyfriend, dude!"
Memes
I had a dream about a car, and I woke up exhausted.
What are the similarities between an American teen and an old Muslim man?
They both choose who they want.
Jasper likes little girls and Bin Laden.
A man walks into a bar and says, "Ouch!"
You are American when you walk into the bathroom, and you are American when you walk out.
But do you know what you are when you're in the bathroom? European.
Muslims don't need weed, they've got the Koran.
You burn that sh*t and you're gonna get stoned.
Today I saw my son lick out a tub of butter. I told him to make a sandwich without butter for a week (as a punishment). He said, "Okay," and licked the bread. "It's really easy to spread," he said. LOL!
What's Stephen Hawking's shampoo?
Head and Shoulders. 😊
What do you call a person with no arms or legs lying face first in a river? Bob.
What do you call two people with no arms or legs standing in front of a window? Curt and Rod.
What do you call Nicholas and Dillon/Dennis?
GAY
Why are most West Virginians going to hell?
Their favorite pastimes (inbreeding and bestiality) are an abomination unto the Lord.
Yo mama so stupid that when she went to see Fast and Furious 8, she was bringing her car to the theater.
What jumps higher than a basketball player?
An emo kid, they never touch the ground.
Why do Catholic priests make the best cocksuckers for gay and bisexual men that are members of the Catholic Church?
Because there are glory holes inside of the confessional booths.
Why are the same Sally jokes told over and over again?
Because how can you tell jokes about someone who's dead?