And jokes
Why did Alice from Wonderland get her butt stuck in the rabbit hole at first? Because she probably ate too many hamburgers and drank too much wine just out of nowhere, then told her butt to hold it in before more food pops out.
Omg wassup dude, why does your hair look just like a young Whoopi Goldberg from "The Color Purple?" Them damn stanky looking corn bread rows on your head; you look like a damn cheetah pet. Che che che cheetah, they available at Wal-Mart, Dollar Tree, Target, and Kroger.
What's the difference between Jesus and a hooker?
The face you make when you nail them.
What is the difference between a tree and walking home from a wheelchair?
What is the difference between a tree and a school?
A school is for kids, and a tree is for birds.
Memes
What do condoms and whores have in common?
Answer: There is a lot that comes in every box.
Free will is like having a vagina. You don't need to know how to use it, and you don't need to know what it does, but what matters is that you have it.
What’s the difference between a mushroom and a tree?
One's a fucking tree.
What's the difference between a cheater and your mom?
They both cheated!
Question: "You're-a-American" when you're not in the restroom and when you come out of the restroom. What are you when you're in the restroom?
Answer: European (You're-a-peein')
What job lets you kill the most people?
An abortion doctor.
What happened when a cow jumps over a barbed wire fence? Complete and utter destruction.
What has 4 wheels and can fly? A garbage truck.
What is the difference between a human being and a tree?
A human can walk and a tree cannot walk.
NASA is going to probe Uranus, and it might take a while to get there.
What is big and fun and yellow? A school bus!
So what is the difference between a real doctor and a doctor of philosophy?
One cures the sick and the other makes them sick!
I'm Canadian, and I admit we've done some stupid things. But we've never given nuclear launch codes to a literal retard.
When you end up pregnant...
Mom told me if a boy touched my breast I should say "DON'T," and if he touched me down there I should say "STOP." But Dad, he touched me both places at once so I said, "DON'T STOP! DON'T STOP!" 😂
A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders.
As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, "I'll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, 'I don't know how you can make love to me with your type of body.' So I asked her, 'How about a little head?'"