And jokes
I always felt like a man trapped in a woman's body. But then I was born.
But in my defense, I was young then, and I had a womb without a view.
What do you call it when a town on the south coast of England sprouts legs and starts walking around the country?
A walkie-Torquay.
The first time I EVER HAD SEX I WAS ALL ALONE. You know why?
IT WAS DARK and I WAS ALL ALONE!
I got so bad about cutting myself every time I went to the bathroom, I wanted to break my jacket zipper off and use that!
What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
One's a good year and one's a great year.
Memes
Person: Where's your mom and dad?
Orphan: :(
Me: Hey, Mom? Why do we celebrate birthdays?
Mom: Because that's the day a new life was born, and people are born every day so every day is a special day.
My thoughts: And my friend wonders why I have depression...
A girl looked in the fridge. She got mad that somebody ate the last ice cream cone. She ran into her sister's room and said, "This is why you're fat!" Then fell down the stairs. Good thing she had that belly roll to save her.
What's the difference between your dad and the mailman? Nothing.
Whoever is deleting my messages, comment and say why!
Q. What's the difference between my phone battery and an anti-vax kid?
A. Nothing, they both die at ten.
Wee dyslexic boy and girl in class.
Wee boy says, "Can you smell gas?"
Wee girl replies, "I canny even smell my name!"
Like if you are in high school and miss school!
What’s the difference between Anne Frank and Harry Potter?
Only one came out of the chamber.
Why do you never see gay people in wheelchairs?
You can’t be a fruit and a vegetable at the same time.
What starts with S and ends with S? STUPID HOMEWORK NEVER ENDS.
What starts with C and ends with K? Children do not cook.
What did you think I was going to say? How bold of you to assume.
What do you call the Illuminati when they take over the world and control everything?
The Jew World Order.
What jumps higher than a basketball player?
An emo kid, they never touch the ground.
Why are the same Sally jokes told over and over again?
Because how can you tell jokes about someone who's dead?
What do you call a baby with red curry fried hair?
A baby using a potato peeler and a comb.