And jokes
Yo momma so fat, I took a picture of her 1 year ago, and it's still printing.
What's the difference between a nun and a prostitute taking a bath?
The nun has a soul full of hope...
What is the difference between the snow boots on a tree house that has to walk home and walk home?
What is the difference between snow boots and snow boots and walk home?
What is the difference between a human and a tree? A human can walk and you can drive.
Memes
Like if you are in high school and miss school!
What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
One's a good year and one's a great year.
Why was the chicken black and the other were white? Adoption!
I always felt like a man trapped in a woman's body. But then I was born.
But in my defense, I was young then, and I had a womb without a view.
Wee dyslexic boy and girl in class.
Wee boy says, "Can you smell gas?"
Wee girl replies, "I canny even smell my name!"
A girl looked in the fridge. She got mad that somebody ate the last ice cream cone. She ran into her sister's room and said, "This is why you're fat!" Then fell down the stairs. Good thing she had that belly roll to save her.
The first time I EVER HAD SEX I WAS ALL ALONE. You know why?
IT WAS DARK and I WAS ALL ALONE!
What's the difference between your dad and the mailman? Nothing.
I got so bad about cutting myself every time I went to the bathroom, I wanted to break my jacket zipper off and use that!
When it is quiet when you're having sex and you ask your partner to "Do the roar!"
Person: Where's your mom and dad?
Orphan: :(
Me: Hey, Mom? Why do we celebrate birthdays?
Mom: Because that's the day a new life was born, and people are born every day so every day is a special day.
My thoughts: And my friend wonders why I have depression...
Q. What's the difference between my phone battery and an anti-vax kid?
A. Nothing, they both die at ten.
Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas, and it's still printing.
My child is ungrateful. I got him a bike for Christmas and he didn't say thank you. No, he said, "Dad, I don't have any legs!"