All jokes
Shut the hell up with all these Stephen Hawking jokes, hahah. I wanna kms.
My diet:
Make all of my friends cupcakes. The fatter they get, the thinner I look...
And I blame it on the al-al-al-cohol, but if I were you, I wouldn’t kiss your mom on the mouth at all.
Note to all moms of teens, keep a dog. That way, someone is excited to see you!
Why did Mozart kill all of his chickens?
When he asked them who the best composer was, they all replied, "Bach, Bach, Bach!"
Memes
"Dad, did you get a haircut?"
"No, I got them all cut!"
Did you know? The most Black Holes in the Universe are all found in Africa!
Why did the rapper go to school?
To learn his ABCs (All 'Bout Cash)!
Why don't rappers struggle with geometry?
Because they have all the angles covered.
"Talking about childhood habits, my friend told me he still collects coins and post stamps and all. He asked me, I said - breastfeeding."
Why did the rapper wear a watch to the studio?
Because it was all about the TIMING.
Q: How do you know you're at a gay barbecue? A: All the hot dogs taste like shit.
A man wakes up and asks his wife, “Are you okay? You were cursing me all night in your sleep.” The wife replies, “Who says I was sleeping?”
I'm so jealous of babies with anencephaly.
They can eat all the ice cream they want and never get brain freezes.
My friend said, “there shouldn’t be discrimination, just black and normal.”
That was also the same guy who said [link to joke].
If you are friendly on a game, should I will kill you in the game? You should say, "Will, if you did kill me, I will tell my more friendly to ban you from the game." The friendly should [ask], "What you got?" Friendly on the game [replies], "Jack, you are not my friendly, the all friendly you be ban, if you don't get it, will have fun." If you don't like the text, I am come for you. Ok, now like it, the end.
Jim walks into a bar and asks for a shot of vodka. He then says to the barkeep, "Who's the toughest guy in here?"
The barkeep points to a man at the pool table. Jim then knocked him out and paid for the shot and left. He did this every Friday for 2 months. Finally, the barkeep is pissed because Jim keeps knocking out all of his customers. He then orders a gorilla and puts him in the bathroom.
Jim walks into the bar and gets another shot of vodka. He asks again, "Who's the toughest guy in here tonight?" The bartender points to the bathroom and says he's in there. Jim walks into the bathroom and everyone in the bar can hear yelling and screaming. The bartender asks, "What happened in there?" Jim smiles and says, "I don't know who that was, but when he wakes up tell him I put his fur jacket in the toilet."
Are people still mad at Hasan from that dog incident? All he wanted to do was become the world’s first lightningbender.
Why doesn't Karl Marx like Earl Grey Tea?
Because all proper tea is theft.
Money, money, green, green. Money is all I need, need.