All jokes
Stephen Hawking tried joining some music bands, but all of them rejected him... except Daft Punk.
I asked a man for ten dollars for a cup of coffee. The man said coffee was only a quarter. I told him I was putting all my begs in one ask-it.
What did the cheese say to itself in the mirror?
"Halloumi, who's the tastiest of them all?"
I played Clash of Clans, and when I requested troops, all I got were some Muslim wall breakers.
A Chinese, Japanese, South Korean, and North Korean all walk into a bar.
The Landlord says, "Why the same faces, lads?"
Memes
Yo momma's so fat, when she bought a fur coat, all animals went extinct.
Every single person on the plane died except for 2. How is that possible?
It said all the single people died; the 2 were a couple. That's how it was possible.
"You need to cease, all those fat cuz u obese."
My ex wanted to humiliate me in front of her friends, so she said I was useless in bed.
Should have seen her face when they all disagreed.
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the kings horses and all the kings men, said "Fuck him, he's only an egg."
Beauty is only skin deep... but ugly goes all the way to the bone!
If you have a bad day, go tell an orphan to find his parents. He will be searching all day.
Why are all orphans criminals?
Because they want to know what it's like to be wanted.
6, 7, and 8 are all scared of 10, but 10 is also scared. Why was 10 scared?
Because it was stuck between 9 and 11.
The twin towers ordered a pepperoni pizza and all they got was plane.
What's black, white, and red all over?
A nun in a blender.
Dude, all Hitler asked for was a glass of juice, but everyone misheard him.
Did you know that if you die you can still be a part of family game night!
All you have to do is have your family cremate you and put you in an hour glass, and the games that use hour glasses, well, you will be a part of family game night.
I had sex with twins. Well, I think it was twins. All my rage victims look alike.
Why was the Cheetah not allowed to do tests?
Because it always cheated.