There is this cute Russian girl in my class, yet she hasn't asked me out for vodka.
A grasshopper walked into a bar and sat down at the counter.
The bartender looked at him and said, "We have a drink named after you." The grasshopper replied, "Who names a drink Steve?"
What is an orphan's favorite beer?
"Fosters."
All real chemists knows that alcohol is always a solution. I did this chemistry joke yesterday, but I didn't get a reaction.
A drunk walks into a bar and sees a beautiful woman at the other end of the bar and says "Bartender, I want to buy that douche bag a drink". The bartender says "You can't talk like that! This is a respectable establishment, I'm going to throw you out!". The drunk says "Okay, I'm sorry. I'd like to buy the lady a drink". The bartender goes to where the woman is sitting and says "The, ah, gentleman at the end of the bar would like to buy you a drink, what will it be?". She says "Vinegar and water"
A nucleus walked into a bar. He asked the bartender, “How much for a drink?” The bartender replied, “For you, NO CHARGE!”
Paddy and Seamus work at the Guinness factory, and Seamus has a horrible accident and dies at work.
Paddy agrees to tell Seamus' wife the bad news. He knocks on the door, and Seamus' wife answers. "What's happened, Paddy?" Paddy frowns. "I'm sorry to say poor Seamus fell into the Guinness vat and drowned, I'm so sorry." She started to cry and asked Paddy: "Did he at least die quickly?" Seamus shook his head, "No, he got out 3 times for a pee."
an irishman walks into a pub
What's the difference between a club and a bar?
I can only get dead hookers from the club alleyways.
So one day, I took a trip to Russia, and saw Vladimir Putin walking in the streets without any body guards. Seeing as how I looked just like him, we switched places for a few days. After two days, some officer came up to me and asked if we were going to project блять, and I had said yes, and the officer said god help us. So a day later, I heard on the news that every other continent, and the moon were destroyed. I then approached the officer and said. I thought you meant we were having a giant orgy. He said we did, and that we were extremely drunk.
Sending gay men to prison makes no sense to me. I mean, you have sex with a man and then they lock you up with a bunch of other men.
That would be like arresting someone for drunk driving and forcing them to become a bartender.
I like my wine like how I like my women: 10 years old and locked in a basement.
A priest, a pedophile, and a rapist walk into a bar. He sits down and orders a drink.
People are like taquila glasses
you gotta shoot them down fast
Q: What did the drunk emo say to the bartender?
A: Nothing! He was hung over.
What do you call a magician that makes beer? Brew-dini
A pirate walks into a bar and has a ship's wheel in his pants.
The bartender asks, "What's with the wheel in your pants?"
The pirate replies, "Yarrr! It's drivin' me nuts!"
Don't drink and park.
Accidents cause people.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to start to build the still for Jill, Jack stopped and said to drunkin' Jill to build this still will take so long, Jill said to Jack well F---k the still and kiss my ass, and watch me take another pill.
Jack and Jill went up the hill. They turned to drunks and have no will. Jill said to Jack, "Your love reveal, then think of building me a still."
