Aed jokes

You can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by her hands. For example, if she's holding a gun, she's probably angry.

A kid annoyed me the other day. I told him to shut up and go back to his parents. That's the last time I'm going to an orphanage.

A cemetery should be built next to orphanages, so the orphans can see their parents.

A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. "Ha! That's not going to help!" she said. "Sure it does," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers."

A teacher asked his students a math question.

"You have one dollar. Your parents give you five dollars. How much money do you have?"

After some thinking, about half the class raised their hands. The teacher called on a little girl in the front.

"One dollar!" she said.

I got into a fight with 1, 3, 5, 7, and 9. The odds were against me.

ok this isn't a joke but it's funny.

Roses are red, nuts are brown, Skirts go up, pants go down. Body to body, skin to skin, when it's stiff, stick it in. It goes in dry, comes out wet, the longer it's in, the stronger it gets. It comes out dripping and starts to sag, It's not what you think, it's a lipton tea bag.

Get your mind out of the gutter.

If a man says you’re ugly, he likes you.

If a woman says you’re ugly, she’s just jealous.

If a child says you’re ugly, well, you’re ugly.

What's the difference between a Catholic hospital and Michael Jackson's Children's Hospital?

No seriously, what is it?

What do you call it when a Mexican and a pedophile fight?

Alien vs Predator.

Why did the coffee file a police report? -- Because it was mugged.

How many screws does it take to construct a lesbian's bed?

None, it's all tongue and groove...

What do you get from a dwarf cow?

Condensed milk.

What's the difference between a nun and a woman in a bathtub?

One's got hope in her soul, the other's got soap in her hole.

They named a road after George Floyd. It was a dead end, though.

What do you call a train with bubble gum?

A chew chew train.

Oh man, I'm depressed.

My town's population never changes. Every time a girl gets pregnant, a guy leaves town.

when you don't have a phone to play Fruit Ninja and improvise.

My husband told me to make him a sandwich. I was looking online for some comebacks. Someone online said, "You better come back with a goddamn sandwich!"

How do you know when a woman is going to have a black baby?

When she takes the tampon out, all the cotton is picked.