Aed jokes
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because it was a very large mammal; its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to Heaven, I will ask Jonah."
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to Hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
What's a Mexican's least favorite lesson in art? Drawing border lines.
Nobody
Literally nobody
Gordan Ramsey: do you need me to bring Hitler back to life so he can show you how to use a fucking oven?
How is a woman like a condom?
Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
Brass Mcknuckles.
A computer science student is studying under a tree, and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, "Where'd you get that?"
The student on the bike replies, "While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, 'You can have anything you want.'"
The first student responds, "Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."
Yo mama is so ugly, she walked into a haunted house and walked out with a job application.
Stephen Hawking is such a bad role model for our kids.
He only ever looks one way when crossing the street.
What is italian sausage?
The dick of a gay italian.
What do you call someone with Down Syndrome who smokes weed?
A baked potato.
Me: Happy birthday! I got you a Rubix cube! Friend: I hate you. Me: Why? Friend: I'm color blind.
A boy is about to be sentenced for killing his parents. He begs the judge to spare his life. The judge asks for one good reason he should be shown any mercy. The boy replies, "I’m an orphan, your honor."
What's a depressed person's favorite drink?
A depresso espresso.
JK.
It's cyanide.
Q: What's the best part about gardening?
A: Getting down and dirty with your hoes.
What is a priest's favorite song?
-- Magic Flute in A minor.
Helen Keller picked up a cheese grater, it was the most violent story she'd ever read.
What do you call a drunk, depressed man that skydives?
Splattered.
Why was the orphan walking through the neighborhood? I don't know, either. It's not like he has a home to go to.
How does a crazy person get to the woods?
He takes the psychopath.
What's the worst thing to say at a funeral? "Hi guys, welcome to my unboxing video!"