Aed jokes
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because it was a very large mammal; its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to Heaven, I will ask Jonah."
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to Hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
My friend told me he had a sister. I asked if she was hot, and he said she was 8. That wasn't my question.
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
A computer science student is studying under a tree, and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, "Where'd you get that?"
The student on the bike replies, "While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, 'You can have anything you want.'"
The first student responds, "Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."
How is a woman like a condom?
Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
What is the difference between a man performing anilingus on a woman and a man performing cunnilingus on a woman?
If a man is performing anilingus on a woman, it is not classified as heterosexual sodomy, you fucking idiot!!!!!
Why are people in Japan always skinny?
Because last time there was a "Fat Man", a whole city disappeared.
What's a Mexican's least favorite lesson in art? Drawing border lines.
Yo mama is so ugly, she walked into a haunted house and walked out with a job application.
Stephen Hawking is such a bad role model for our kids.
He only ever looks one way when crossing the street.
What is italian sausage?
The dick of a gay italian.
What's a depressed person's favorite drink?
A depresso espresso.
JK.
It's cyanide.
A Muslim is about to commit suicide when a Catholic priest stops him.
"What are you doing?!" exclaims the priest.
"There is nothing on this Earth for me," the Muslim says. "I will commit suicide to go to paradise and get 72 virgins!"
The priest shakes his head.
"Foolish Muslim, suicide is not the way!" he says.
"Follow me, I'll take you to the local primary school."
Why was the orphan walking through the neighborhood? I don't know, either. It's not like he has a home to go to.
What do you call a drunk, depressed man that skydives?
Splattered.
How does a crazy person get to the woods?
He takes the psychopath.
What do you call someone with Down Syndrome who smokes weed?
A baked potato.
What's the worst thing to say at a funeral? "Hi guys, welcome to my unboxing video!"
If prostitution had a tax-exempt status, and if an adult bookstore had a tax-exempt status because of a glory hole, churches would have to do something else to keep their tax-exempt status to avoid the risk of going out of business.
In a cruel twist of irony, Stephen Hawking's favorite song was "I've Got the Power."