What's the difference between Michael Jackson and acne? Acne doesn't come on a 5 year olds face
a little boy decided to burn a house down. the father put his arm around his wife, tears in his eyes, saying, "thats arson"
Jack and Jill went up the hill to celebrate their marriage.
9 months later they happily had some use for their baby carriage.
2 years later they went up again then their daughter had a brother.
But 1 little secret that no one knew was that Jack and Jill share a mother..
When the guy next to you says that he kind of agrees with the villain.
Me watching a World War 2 documentary.
Why can’t jesus be born in West Virginia
Because they couldn’t find three wise men or a virgin.
I don't need to go to the car dealership when I have a Geico scanner on my arm at all times 😏
Bf:what do you think about our love?
Gf:count the stars in the sky
Bf:aww its infinity
Gf:nope just a waste of time
How much does a pirate pay for corn?
A buccaneer!
what can you say to make a rape victim feel better?
"it will be over soon"
i saw identical twins. i threw a paper plane at them.
how did Stephan hawking please his woman he uses a hard drive.
What do you call disabled people in a hot tub? -- Vegetable soup.
Forehead is so big that you wear a bed sheet for a bandana.
yo mama so stupid she threw a mothers day party at a orphanage
whats harder then steel . micheal jackson at a playground
I think I banged a Chinese celebrity... She kept screaming “I’m Wei Tu Yung” like I was supposed to know the name.
I had to clean out my spice rack and found everything was too old and had to be thrown out. -- What a waste of thyme.
What's a Mexican's favorite sport?
Cross country.
What makes a joke a dad joke?
I don't know. I don't even have one as an example.
I was going to kill them with kindness, but then I realized using a knife is a lot faster
