Aed jokes
Why are mountains so smart?
'Cause they have a degree.
What did the cat say when he took his new car for a test drive?
"Meoooow!"
A man walks into a bar and ends up with a concussion.
Maybe if he looked where he was going, he wouldn’t have hit that pole.
Titanic walks into a bar. Britannic: "What would you like to drink?" Titanic: "An iceberg."
Titanic hit a dimetrodon.
Titanic didn't sink by an iceberg.
Titanic sank by 100000000000000000000000 Titanics.
I got my son a trampoline for his birthday.
The ungrateful boy sat in his wheelchair the whole time.
I stole a wheelchair from a disabled kid. What is he going to do, stand up?
What vibrates and is 6 inches?
A toothbrush.
Yo mama so fat when she went on a plane, somebody yelled "A solar eclipse!"
Yo mama so fat, when she goes to get grapes off a bush, the bush says, "Bitch, I never thought they can grow that big!"
Two hunters are in the woods and one falls to the ground.
Terrified, he dials 911 and says, “Help! I think my friend is dying. What do I do?” The nurse says, “I need you to make sure he’s dead.” The hunter replies, “Ok, I’ll be right back.” The nurse is startled after hearing a gunshot. The hunter comes back and says, “I checked. Now what do I do?” The nurse replies, “I need you to make sure his heart has completely stopped.” She is startled when she hears the sound of a taser. The hunter comes back and says, “What’s next?” The nurse replies, “I need you to make sure his brain has completely shut down.” The nurse is once again startled when she hears the sound of a bone being crushed by what seemed to be a hammer. The hunter comes back and asks, “Anything else?” The nurse says, “Nope. That’s it.”
You can get the park in the park with you if I have park in your car, and I will be there in a couple of hours. Would you be able to pick them out at your house, and I will pick you up, and I will be at your place at your convenience. I can get them in a little while. I’m at the park. Bye.
How do you get a dishwasher to shovel snow? Give the bitch a shovel.
For being a big company, NASA is openly saying they want pictures of Uranus.
Why is Ronnie Anne like Lincoln? Because he is a softy about everything.
"Roses are red, I'm a girl, Now go and take a hike."
What did one nut say to the other nut?
A: "Candice deez nuts fit in my mouth."
What is black and white and red all over?
Answer: A newspaper.
That is what my 3-year-old told me.
I harvested indigo to make dye. I made the dye. I made a number dye. I dyed the dye. I rolled the dye. It made me die.