Aed jokes
An innocent boy is reading through his father’s phone, looking at the messages and trying to learn things about his family from them. He saw a message asking for something which seemed strange, but ultimately the boy decided to surprise his father with what it said.
“Timmy, why are there thirty-five cats in the living room?” shouted the father.
“I was only supplying what you wanted from Mother!” replied the boy.
There’s a noticeable difference between using polish to remove grease and using Polish to remove Greece.
Peter Griffin walks into a bar.
Peter Griffin walks into a bar.
Peter Griffin walks into a bar.
I think I may have forgotten the rest of the joke.
What is a woman's name with one leg?
Eileen.
Your mum is so cool, she looks like a fridge. Quote: Jude Porters.
Your mum is like a Golden Knight. She will still attack my tower with troops in the way, like Jude Porter.
Q: What do priests do to stay in shape?
A: They exorcise.
Q. If a pedophile, necrophile, and a guy who is into incest are all sitting in a car, who's driving?
A. A police officer.
What is a disabled man called?
"Woman." Haha.
Why do orphans have a single chip? Because they don't have a full bag.
I'm a proud racist. I love kart racing, street racing. Any kind will do.
Conservatives when they hear about “liberal arts:” 👊😡
Liberals when they find out about forest conservation: 😩👐
Progressives when they see a reaction video: 🤬
Reactionaries when a Progressive ad comes on (Flo is annoying): 😱
Anticoms realizing they are a part of a “community:” *seizure*
Anticaps when they have to Capitalize Their Words: 😤
Anti-monarchists when they pass a Burger King: 🫨
Antisocs when they are told to “socialize:” 🫠
Corporatists when they see a corpse: 🤤
Antifash when they spot a fashion show: 🤮
Classical liberals when the TV shows Family Feud: 😑🔫
Extremists when they are told to shoot “dead center” (they have bad aim): 😠🖕
Last week, I made a joke about leftists. Now it is time for me to take shots at the right, and then I will move on to centrists. But I just said the same thing twice.
Michael Jackson, who's terrified of adult women, once had a girlfriend, but broke it off with her. When she asked him why, he said, "It's not you, it's me-hee-hee."
Q. What's the difference between an Alzheimer's patient and a tomato? A. A tomato isn't a vegetable.
When someone asks you why you went bald, say it wasn't a choice. It just happened.
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing, and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence; then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"
I was going to charge my phone, so I pulled a plug and put it in. Then, my grandpa wasn't breathing anymore.
What happened to the chicken when he crossed the road? He didn't. He got run over by a truck.
If Huggy and Kissy ever had a kid, they would have a good lunch. *evil laugh* 😈