Adult Jokes

Anonymous

Why did the United Nations stop the french government from using the guillotine in public? because the french government was using the guillotine in public on new born baby boys for circumcision

Anonymous

How is spinach like anal sex?

If you were forced to have it as a child, you probably won’t like it as an adult.

1
Anonymous

Why are feminists always against men? because men can piss with something that they can’t piss with dicks

Llamabird

My girlfriend asked me to write her a poem for Valentines Day: Roses are red, Watches are gold. Get on your knees, And do as you’re told.

Anonymous

At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.” Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”

I’m in school lol.

Anonymous

Why does Michael Jackson wear a white glove? So he won’t bite his fingers when he eats a tootsie roll.

Anonymous

What is the difference between a feminist and a vegetarian a vegetarian doesn’t eat meat for moral, religious, or health reasons but a feminist doesn’t act like a bitch for moral, religious, or health reasons

John Grimm

Why do heterosexual men and heterosexual women believe that bisexual men don’t exist because male bisexuality doesn’t exist Because it doesn’t cycle 🚲

Anonymous

What do you get when you cross a clergyman and a politician? panhandler

Thats funny

Sometimes i have this incredible urge to grab a child from school and yell

“IM YOU FROM THE FUTURE”

Anonymous

Why do feminists believe that they can act like a bitch towards men if they want to because they were born without a penis

Anonymous

🙄 😒 🤔
Why do call a man that is physically handicapped ♿ and german? A physically handicapped ♿ bisexual man that is promiscuous and german

Anonymous

How to you trick a catholic priest into using the glory hole at a adult bookstore? tell him it is a confessional booth

Anonymous

Why did the catholic priest suck dick at a glory hole? because someone asked him what would he do for a klondike bar

jango

Broccoli is like anal sex.

If you’re forced to have it as a child, you probably won’t like it as an adult.

4
Anonymous

🤔 😳 😫 😕 What do you 📞 🤔 😏 😄 😜 🤔 😏 call physically handicapped ♿ homophobic heterosexual men and woman in wheelchairs? ♿ mixed nuts 🤪 😜 🤪 😜 🤪 😜 🤪 😜 🤪 😜 🤪 😜 🤪 😜 🤪 😜 👨 👩 👨 👩 👨 👩 👨 👩 👨 👩 👨 👩 👨 👩 👨 👩 👨 👩 👨 👩 👨 👩 👨 👩

Edgelord 3000

They say making and having friends comes with some benefits, I guess You could say I have friends with benefits

NotAKiller AreYouACop?

Me (an adult) with my girl going to a nice restaurant I asked the waiter “People under 12 eat free right” the water confirmed that yes people under 12 eat free, then my girlfriend said, "but I’m 13.

Anonymous boyyyy

if someone calls you dirty minded just say

You are dirty minded as well if you understand what im saying

At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.” Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”