*a married woman gets hit by a truck and the cops tell her husband Cop: sir, it looks like your wife’s been hit by a truck Man; I know but she has a great personality
never joke about 911 they'll just crash and burn
"How was your day?" "It was great" "what was so great about it?" "i saw a puppy" "awww" "and i ran over it :)"
i got hit by a bus but the bus was my ex
A man walks into a bar, he gets a concussion.
After 2 months of recovering, the same man rushes head first into the bar. He goes into a coma.
After 2 years, he amazingly wakes up. He then gets in his car and drives into the bar at 70 mph. He dies. Did I mention he was suicidal?
My sister got in a car crash a couple days ago. When she got to the hospital, the doctor told her that she needed to get metal mechanics in her leg. She got really scared and yelled at the doctor telling them that, “I will not get those implanted in my leg.” I guess she just doesn’t associate with knee gears.
I was arrest for eating to much crack on accident. How? My sister came into my room shoving her ass in my face
Why did the man with no arms fall off his bike? Someone threw a washing machine at him.
sing I was riding my bike down the road! When a car started comin, I started runnin It put me in a crash with my elbow through my ass. ;)
A 6 year old girl decides to get baptized, she walks into the water of the river. Unfortunately the pastor was drunk. The pastor put her In the water and dunked her under. The drunken man then forgot to bring her up from the water. The poor girl was drowned and died... later on when the pastor was better and thrown in jail. All he had to say to the mortified family was “well, at least she’s in heaven!”
why couldn't the penguin cross the road?It was ran over🐧
What do you take care of after a car crash? The witnesses
Kids in the backseat make accidents and accidents in the back seat make kids.
What's world hunger and a Mercedes got in common? Princess Diana couldn't stop both of them
one day, little Sally hears the phone ringing. she picks it up "Hello, this is daddy, Sally. Is your mom nearby." Sally says, "No, shes upstairs with Uncle john" "Uncle john? i don't know an Uncle John." "no, no, no, you must be mistaken, daddy" "no i'm sure there's no one named Uncle John in our family." "Okay, but why did you call?" Says Sally. "Ummm no reason, just tell mommy that daddy's pulling into the driveway right now." "Okay daddy!"
*long pause*
"Okay daddy! I did it!' "Great job Sally! What did she says?"
"Mommy said OH FU.. and then she ran around with no clothes on and tripped on the carpet and hit her head on the bookshelf. shes now resting it looks like... then Uncle John screams and jumps out the window into the swimming pool, but of course we took all the water out this winter..."
then dad replies "Swimming pool? we dont have a...is this 468-1843?"
Why did Timmy fall down the stairs? Because he fell of his wheelchair
So Paul Walker made a rap cover. It is called straight out of windshield.
What's the worst part of about hearing a special needs kid getting hit by a car? Having to listen to the wheelchair scraping for a mile and a half
Me and my friend were duck hunting. He shot 5 ducks in one shot. Then he shot by accident and yelled "DUCK!" then "MOTHERDUCKER!". Then ducks came down and one by one bit him.
Breaking News! a plane crashes into a bridge
