Absent jokes
You will find your dad that left to get the milk before your hairline.
Why do Black people dip their Oreos in water?
Because daddy never came back home with the milk.
What's the difference between your dad and grocery shopping?
He didn't come back with the milk.
The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent, but had not phoned in.
Needing to have an urgent work problem resolved, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted by a child's whisper, "Hello."
"Is your Mummy home?" he asked.
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with her?"
The child whispered, "No."
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Daddy there?"
"Yes."
"May I talk with him?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."
Hoping there was someone with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anyone else there?"
"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy," whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?"
"Talking to the ambulancemen and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.
Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A helicopter," answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed a helicopter."
Alarmed, confused, and a little frustrated, the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle..."Me!"
Why do some kids have water with their cereal?
Because their dad never came back with the milk.
Your dad is so smart, he took one look at you and left.
Why are most absent dads mechanics?
They like to nut and bolt.
Why did the man miss the funeral?
He wasn’t a mourning person.
I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was just a kid.
I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was just a kid.
Oh wait, I'm thinking of...
What do you do when your cat's not home?
Answer: You play with your neighbor's pussy.
Your hairline goes back to when your dad left you.
I have no father. Like if you relate.
I bet you eat your cereal with water because your dad never came back with the milk.
Your hairline is as nonexistent as your dad.
Maybe if you get a better hairline, your dad will come back with the milk.
I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was 5.
Your dad went to get the milk, but he was actually trying to find his father. He wasn't there.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not your dad.
Why did your daddy not come back with the milk?
Because you have no dad because your dad never loved you.