Absence jokes
My dad is like my depression, you need a suicide letter to find him.
Why do orphans eat cereal with water? Because their dad never came back with the milk.
Why didn’t the orphan celebrate their birthday?
Because they didn’t have a mom to birth them.
Why do orphans have 363 days in a year?
Because they don't have a mother's or father's day.
Q: What do you call an orphan's family tree?
A: A stump.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
She had no arms. "Knock knock." Who's there? Not Sally.
Me: Help, I'm stuck in a trap.
Friend: What kind?
Me: It's called life. Yeah, I've been trying to get out of it for six years now, it just won't let me go.
Friend: That's not funny..
Me: Yeah? Nor is wanting to die, yet I'm still over here laughing every time I try to.
Friend: I'm calling your mom.
Me: She knows.
Friend: What's she doing to help, then?
Me: She's supposed to help?
Friend: Have you told your dad?
Me: I will when he comes back.
Friend: Where is he?
Me: I don't know, he's been gone for 15 years.
Friend: ....
Me: What?
Friend: Why?
Me: Why what?
Friend: Why would you joke like that?
Me: I was joking..
Friend: I know.
Me: Oh. I didn't know.
Friend:...
Me: Have a nice day, I'll see you tomorrow... Maybe...
I went up to a kid and asked, "Are you an orphan?" They said, "Yes, what gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."
Why doesn’t the orphan have any toys? Because his Lego figures ran away too.
Q: Why did the orphan get an iPhone X for their birthday?
A: 'Cause it don't have a home button.
Why can't orphans go to field trips?
Parent Signature_________________
You better get used to having dry cereal cuz your dad ain't never bringing the milk back.
Orphan boy: "Your dad is probably disappointed in you. I mean, look at you."
Me: "Well, at least my parents kept me. Where are yours?"
Why is there only 363 days in an orphan calendar? Because they don't have Mother's Day or Father's Day.
Why can’t orphans go on field trips? Because they need parent permission.
What's the difference between my dad and the milk man? The milk man comes back with the goddamn milk.
I tell orphan jokes like there ain’t no parents around.
Why can’t orphans be a space ship? Because they don’t have a mothership!
One orphan said, "Daddy, chill." I was like, "You don't have a dad!"
What's the difference between fathers and hurricanes?
Nothing. They both destroy families and then leave for a couple of years.