What’s worse than spiders on your piano crabs on your organ
Shower thoughts
I like my coffee like my women
Amateur
How do you disrespect an Asian
Give them driving lessons
Doctor: what is your zodiac sign?
Patient: cancer why?
Doctor: what are the chances
Patient: of what?
A son tells his father, "I have an imaginary girlfriend." The father sighs and says, "You know, you could do better." "Thanks, Dad," the son says. The father shakes his head and goes, "I was talking to your girlfriend."
I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin. The jokes weren't that good, but I liked the execution.
How do you make someone in Africa disappointed
Sing raindrops keep falling on my head
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking
Tell her to slow down and use lubricant
What do hockey players and Surrey girls have common? They both only change their pads after every third period!
A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis, her mom said you should have asked me last night it was at the tip of my tongue.
How do you kill a retard
Give them a knife and say “who’s special”
What does a autistic kid and a loaf of bread have in common
They both have special needs
What do you get when you cross A-rod with Chris brown
Cheater cheater woman beater
What is the best thing about an 18-year-old girl in the shower
Slick her hair back she looks 15
How do you know if a chick is too fat?
If you pull her pants down her ass still in them
What do you call a 96-year-old who can still masturbate?
miracle whip
Why is Santa always so jolly because he knows where all the naughty girls live?
What’s strong enough for a man, but made for a woman
The back of my hand
What do you call a virgin lying on a waterbed?
A cherry float