What did the autistic kid say to his girlfriend after they broke up?
"I thought what we had was special!"
Shower thoughts
What’s something Bill Cosby and Freddy Krueger have in common?
Once you fall asleep, you’re fucked.
Life is like a bag of jellybeans.
Nobody likes the black ones.
What do you call a black person in a dark room? Invisible
Why do gay men hate periods?
They prefer Collins.
What do you call a Chinese assassin?
Chinese takeout.
What do you call a fart in a gay bar?
A mating call.
Why do blonde prostitutes prefer blowjobs?
They hate it when you hand it to them.
I’m not calling you a slut, I’m calling you a penny.
Two-faced, worthless, and in everyone’s pants!
What is Pink Floyd in Princess Diana have in common Their last big hit was the wall
For a golfer, Tiger Woods isn't very good of a driver.
You can find perfectly cooked Kobe in a Japanese restaurant, but you can only find burnt Kobe in Calabasas.
What’s something you can say at the funeral but also in bed?
"Damn, that's really stiff!"
What’s something you can say in bed and in a Zoom meeting?
"Do you want the cameras on or off?"
What do you white people use as pronouns? Crack/her
What do you call a white woman working at an all black company?
Crack/her
I lost my virginity to a girl with Down syndrome.
I want my first time to be special.
How did the Emo kid bag all the cheerleaders?
He hit them all when he started shooting his shot.
Today, I operated on a little girl. She needed O-negative blood. We didn’t have any, but her twin sister has O-negative blood. I explained to her that it was a matter of life and death. She sat quietly for a moment, and then said goodbye to her parents. I didn’t think anything of it until after we took her blood and she asked, “So when will I die?” She thought she was going to give her life for her sister. Thankfully they both died.
I taped a picture of Bill Cosby to my gun. Now it’s an assault rifle.